Its what I say to my BF after period sex.

This also puts me in mind of those gender-swapped things that are essentially, “look at these overweight bearded dudes posing sensually in a calendar because haha normally super hot chicks do that this is so crazy right!”

its like why does melissa mccarthy insist on throwing her body around and like, in my face? id rather not have to confront it

See, I am still mad that Melissa McCarthy tries to be funny instead of being conventionally attractive by societies standards. As an audience member, I expect that comedic actresses be Jennifer Lawrence. In my mind, no matter what she does she must be making fun of overweight people, right? Sandra Bullock never…

When I was about 3 or 4 my mother gave me a telephone that she was sure was broken to play with. It was not. I plugged that sucker in to a phone jack in my playroom and called EVERYBODY that I could remember the number for. I kept telling her I was talking to grandma on the phone and she’s like “uh huh that’s nice…

When I was twelve and had just started babysitting, one of the kids I watched was about two and a half. One night, I was putting his baby sister to bed, and all of a sudden I hear this tortured sobbing from his room. The poor boy had tried to be helpful and put on his own pajamas, but he got his head stuck in the…

I once attempted to try on a cool, long summer dress with leather, bondage-inspirted straps at an All Saints.

When my sister was 3 and I was 2, our horrible babysitter decided to punish her for some garden-variety 3 year-old transgression by telling her that she was taking me to McDonalds and leaving her at home. The babysitter’s plan was to just idle in the driveway for a few minutes ‘til my sister learned her lesson or some…

My 2 year old called 911 so many times while playing Duck Duck Moose games on my phone that the dispatchers finally called me back one day and said the next time he called they would fine us $1000.

Not to the mention the subtle-but-smooth “in my hometown” line, which will make Ben remember all the dumbshits from her hometown that she said “bless their heart” about, and he’ll realize, damn, I’m one of them.

As an Alabama native, I gasped when I read that skillfully deployed “bless your heart.” I can only imagine that it was launched with a twisted, condescending smirk, and that possibility warms the bitchy cockles of my heart. Well DONE, Miss Lady.

Meanwhile, Garner is managing to maintain a lucrative career with endorsements, currently for Capital One and Neutrogena. According to the Nielsen ratings, she is, in fact, the No. 1 female spokesperson—another testament, perhaps, to her authentic and genuine quality, an essential approachability that has not been…

I thought the most harsh you could get with “Bless your heart” was to say it to someone’s face, but I was wrong; the true nuclear move is to say it to a reporter doing a Vanity Fair profile they will DEFINITELY read

FAVORITE RUMOR OF THE DAY.

Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner got drunk one night and murdered someone for sport.

the comment section rn after reading that one line

I’m saving my money for the vibrators made in support of HRC: Clits for Clinton.

Yes, sometimes people really do just know early on. This story obviously wasn’t a case of that, but I agree, it doesn’t make sense to jump to the conclusion that talking about commitment soon after starting an involvement is always and inherently a bad sign. There are times it’s genuinely natural for it to happen.

Weird, my wife’s parents got engaged after only a few months of dating and have been happily married with three kids for at least 40 years now.