“Well you can kiss my knee too, idiot!”

Poppins has come to wage a war against sadness itself

Funniest part of GotG 2, in my humble opinion.

Witch doctor?

“This may be the year when we finally come face to face with ourselves; finally just lay back and say it—that we are really just a nation of 220 million used car salesmen with all the money we need to buy guns, and no qualms at all about killing anybody else in the world who tries to make us uncomfortable.

On my best nights, I could afford those plastic vampire teeth!

Yeah, I don’t know where that came from, either.

He’s not going anywhere yet!

Say what you will, but Andy Reid’s coaching tree is still far more successful than Bill Belichick’s.

Nathan Peterman is the last chicken finger in the fridge from a party you threw a week ago.

“Help me, magic divot!”

See: My all-too-brief porn career.

Fist Bumps and Air Kisses: The New Catholicism!

So they punted?

Do you stop acknowledging people as soon as the organ starts playing? If you’re sitting at the end of the aisle, do you have to reach across to the adjacent pew? What if I’m standing alone in the back? SO MANY DECISIONS.

Is this like “Netflix and chill” for germaphobes?

This is me at every recent Catholic Mass (usually a wedding) I’ve attended...

Preach.

As another white Catholic, I will admit that all that standing and kneeling and bowing and sitting was great for my core!

Even if he had caught it, he would have just run it back to Amendola and dropped it at his feet.