It is not entirely impossible that the president could suddenly develop a sense of empathy and introspection. But only if, to quote Edmund Blackadder, “some kindly passing surgeon cut [his] head open with a spade and [stuck] a new brain in it.”

Truly, this style of questioning is madness, yet there is method in it.

+1 (equals +7 in human points)

“Coach, if Carson Wentz were a tree, when would that tree be ready to play football?”

I always liked “Rounders,” which I think came out in 1998. It coincided with the emergence of televised poker tournaments, which probably helped its appeal to wannabe card sharks (myself included).

This question is like the opening of a corny joke:

I’d never heard the phrase “an embarrassment of riches” before I’d seen one of Mad’s patented groan-inducing puns as the sub-title of a piece written by one of their Usual Gang of Idiots: “An Embarrassment of Rich’s.” And then years later... [slaps forehead]

And if that scene wasn’t on-the-nose already, the depiction of Jesus on the stained-glass window is of him praying in the Garden of Gethsemene, before turning himself over to the Romans.

The hell it is! It’s called a “bite nuker.”

Rock out with your dentures out!

Merci beaucoup!

“Fixed fortifications are monuments to man’s stupidity. If mountain ranges and oceans can be overcome, anything made by man can be overcome.”

[insert evil laugh here]

And here is Pittsburgh’s music director, in the middle of taking his driver’s license exam....

If I remember the old song correctly, Alouettes are known for getting plucked.

I’ll pass that on to Kyle.

This one, because I’m 12 years old.

Does this apply to human children as well? Asking for a fiend.

John Elway is a horse-toothed idiot

We find common ground on Brooklyn Nine-Nine and Arrested Development.