Paging Dr. Freud... Dr. Freud, please report to the front orifice — office! I meant office. Damn it!

Horseradish? Nah, it has to be Russian dressing.

“Big whoop.” —David Dunn

Hope! Concrete! Marriages! The English language!

That joke made me giga.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you CRUSH your application video for a band scholarship.

The real question here is whether his attorney can plea-bargain the charges down to a Flagrant 1.

Come on, lay off the guy. We should celebrate the fact that he is the first law enforcement official to come from what is undoubtedly a long line of butlers.

I feel you, Bobby — truly! The forty-five seconds of RuPaul’s Drag Race I watched while trying to find my remote were some of the most disorienting moments of my life.

NASSA

Geographically speaking, I never thought an Impala would ever be killed by a Jaguar.

I was guilty of using the same language, making the same stupid jokes, and never giving one thought to what my targets might be going through. It took years of getting out, reading, and experiencing the larger world around me before I began to develop a greater sense of empathy and mental discipline when it came to…

My go-to argument when counting championships for cities is usually to ask, “Where did they hold the parade?”

+1, Joanna. Played them all at once and my brain exploded.

Well done.

A.J., it’s a pleasant surprise to see your byline again!

The Gonzos. A name that would inspire fear and loathing.

Always seems like a relevant quote in times like these...

...[A] booming ball would sail a couple dozen yards, touch an Albiceleste boot, and thud dead to the ground, as if by magic or magnets.