Wow that's a short sighted comment if I've ever seen one, or satire. I hope satire. I'm going to pretend that that's satirical and henceforth nominate you for COTD.

As an avowed Grand Cherokee (ZJ all day, son) enthusiast, I approve of this. Also, I desperately want to drive one of these. They look nice, go nice, and in trim levels that are not SRT-8, they can basically go anywhere. The American Range Rover if there ever was one.

Crash regs probably put a kibosh in COE trucks, I would think.

H100 would be pretty awesome, at the very least from a fleet prospective. Cheap, cheap to run (I assume), efficient, etc. So that's at least SEVERAL potential customers. Business case = MADE

Since community involvement is all the rage, they could leave "design" up to a 1-10 poll. Leave it open for like 6-12 hours or something and announce the final tally when the poll is closed. Since design is so subjective it would still allow that to be graded, yet also allow for the general consensus on said design to…

But then they would need another category so it could be an easily grasped X/100, because name three front page exclusive commenters who can proportion.

I feel hyperbole is the most overrated, cheap form of comedy EVER

No, uh, I got the same thing you did.

Well, your MR2 weighs less than 1 ton, or damned near close to it. So that accounts for a lot. Also, the Focus and Veloster are FWD, which has a tendency to make things a bit slower

Well now, having Caswell do reviews certainly makes this at least... seven times as awesome. Yes, seven.

I'm mildly concerned by the headlight to everything ratio. Seriously the headlights are quite probably larger than the engine. Who decided that was ok?

Wait this isn't normal for BMW drivers?

There is a distinct lack of dead hookers

You basically summed it up. There are only a few enthusiasts I know, and all but one you couldn't tell by what they drive. I drive a tired Grand Cherokee, another drives a piece of shit Mercury Marquis (note the lack of "Grand"), and the rest drive trucks of some sort. Now, that probably has a lot to do with the fact…

+1

I want you to elaborate on everything in that last paragraph. It sounds like the premise to a movie.

It's not literally countless you fucking assbag. You say countless as a hyperbole, not as an actual fact. Nothing is literally countless. So go fuck yourself right on down to hell and fix yo' grammar motherfucker.

Well, this is now my new favorite series on the Jalopnik.

Seconded. This and Killdozer should win handily in this little competition.