I'm willing to bet everything I've ever attempted has been cackhanded.

I'd like to start submitting my comments by PDF, if that's cool.

@AC_Greens_Virginity: You're right there. In the meantime, the cat fight rages on!

@AC_Greens_Virginity: I'm not sure Simmons gets the decision in this one. I mean, I think Pierce's whole point is Simmons gets in his own way for 650+ pages because he's an egotistical dildo. Which Simmons doesn't exactly disprove with his revenge tweets. And, for better or worse, Pierce actually did review the book.…

I'm surprised they went with Collins after Cleveland's intro last year featured "One More Night."

Still hard to believe the Raiders took that guy first.

This would not be the first Mississippi drunken hookup failure to mention molasses and toothpicks.

Neither of these top Jay Mariotti's story of beating the snowstorm thanks to a friendly trucker and a well-hydrated mouth.

There is also a rather uncomfortable chair in Hell's waiting room for those who buy R+L Carriers New Orleans Bowl tickets with the sole intention of profiting from them.

How do you expect to fill your Tumblr without working Gawker login credentials?

I would've tried to predict the outcome with the Magic 8-Ball on the back of that jacket.

He was listed in stable condition. His friend was Stabler.

Why didn't this end with "God dammit I'm hungover?"

"Shit My Shit Shits."

I'm predicting a somewhat quieter reaction for this johnson being pulled out in New York.

The investigation hit a day-long snag when Mr. Ahlerich discovered Frog vs. Gerbil.

"Goddamnit It," I shouted as I had to leave another one of my kid's birthday parties.

That is a photo of a man who just realized he paid just 25 bucks to a G. Love show he can't make.

The worst offense in this piece? The phrase "cool-hungry."

"Congratulations, you won!"