To further ensure no political messages are conveyed, the Olympics are requiring all offensive players to list themselves as centers instead of left or right wingers.

That is what I was thinking! Fish in one hand, phone on the other, ladies... and GO!

But you know what? Larry Bird was HUSTLING when he untied those shoelaces. He untied shoelaces the same way J.R. Smith did, even though he WASN'T AS ATHLETICALLY GIFTED.

I know it's stupid and I know it's pointless and I know the complete disdain that it will engender from the person who receives it but I am so thoroughly disgusted that I sent a stupid email to the baseball hall of fame:

Sometimes it's important to take a gander at the byline before commenting.

Any kind of nack should do.

Will I get a tech for yelling "BALL DON'T LIE"?

Fantastic. I want this in a poster.

Stay on whatever high perch of swill drinking you currently reside. Speaking on behalf all of bourbon Americans, no one wants your additional market demand on our beloved brown booze supply, nor your rube presence in our midst. So there.

Boobs, ass, chicken, and Socks are also the things Bill Clinton loves most.

As a person with a disability, I'd just point out that while the odds of your child having one are actually decent, that doesn't mean nearly as much as you think it does. There's kind of this idea that there are "healthy babies" with no issues at all, and then there are "disabled babies" who are doomed to short,…

Nope.

right but Amare/Chandler/Melo (assuming he doesn't opt out) are all done at the same time as Bargnani, they didn't want Novak clogging the cap sheet if they can't win a title with this team they can totally blow it up for 2015

His contract is good for the Knicks because they are trying to clear the books for a big run at free agents year after next, Barg's deal is this and next year, Novak had 4 years remaining and Camby had 3, so that played a part

"Hmmm, maybe I can't make it in the NBA."

Gosh, if he truly wanted to know the answer, why didn't he just don a turban and cape and touch his head to the door?

I take some umbrage at Katie Baker making the list. She competently covers hockey, albeit not as a beat reporter anymore, and sure she writes about the other stuff you mention...but that almost makes her one of a kind. It's the equivalent of finding someone on Jezebel who comes to Deadspin and actually adds to the…

I know Zombie Burger alone might be a draw, but there are some other good reasons. The Art Center is great, and gets awesome Yelp reviews (though I know Yelp has its issues as well): http://www.yelp.com/biz/des-moines…. The downtown farmer's market is May-October, and there's plenty of biking trails in the area. Also…