Take this for what it's worth, because I'm not naming names...but I know 2 girls on the current ND squad and neither shed one tear when "The Diva" graduated to the WNBA, nor did the Athletic Department who became completely tired of her "demands".

In an effort to protect the true identities of those involved, a porn director was brought in to provide new names for this story.

How did he find the time to report on sports business and still guard Buckingham Palace?

Brian McCann just destroyed a toilet.

You don't see phone booth humor as much as you used to.

People Who Don't Respect The Game And/Or The Atlanta Braves And All That They Stand For

Dallas? Is there an ESPY for marrying a girl with the most "white trash only reason I'm not a a stripper is because I found a semi successful athlete husband" name?

She dresses up like an even trashier version of Lady GaGa. I'm sure she did NOTHING to draw attention to herself the entire evening.

"A huge man called me a cunt & said he was going to kick my ass"

I'm glad he's fired. He was nothing but a rich, obnoxious super-bro who will only ever live off of the successes of his father, and there's clearly no place for that kind of guy at USC.

My favorite moment of Lane Kiffin-ness was actually at Tennessee, when he talked about doing the Vol walk, running through the T, and just how hollow it sounded, how disingenuous it all was.

a place to buy what assholes call "heroes"

Nothing can fix homerun derby. I'd be more interested in seeing a skills challenge involving throwing, running, and bunting.

I knew it was bullshit before I read the whole thing because there's no such thing as a "Florida grad."

I didn't know Glass Joe was from Bloomington

Phil Roth is undoubtedly grateful for the page hits. What Phil Roth is probably not grateful for are the words "Phil Roth's wonderful little tool."

...then the coach went back to first base and turned around, and the kid threw batteries at him.

Man this is so sad, does everything involving the NBA have to be decided in advance?

After lecturing ARod on ethics, Schilling texted ARod asking him for a loan.