The news helicopters aren’t hovering over where the fire helicopters need to go to drop water on the fire, either.

Mexico fan but I couldn’t be happier about the outcome. Those fans are garbage and deserve more than the heartache of this loss

Kind of unfair to make them play Trinidad AND Tobago at the same time.

Wow. It’s almost like abstinence-only education doesn’t actually work. Who knew?

The rest of the world is playing tiki-taka, while the US plays like 2008 Chelsea but with 2015 Drogba.

Halo Warthog

Score another one for MLS, whose teams make sure their players can’t afford to travel to Tenerife in the first place.

Nice piece, Billy.

How is that a foul? He got the ball!

If history has taught us anything, Korea probably.

Except for that time he scored the tying goal against Slovenia. Or the goal he scored in the 2009 Confederations Cup to help us get out of the group stage. But yeah, OMG THAT ONE TIME HE LOST THE BALL AND PORTUGAL SCORED AND IT STILL DIDN’T MATTER IN THE GROUP STAGE STANDINGS ANYWAY

The WC where he had to play out of position due to Jozy’s injury? He’s a box-to-box midfielder who works best playing long passes in transition to wingers and attacking fullbacks, not a creative 10 playing short passes at the edge of the 18.

If only he had been played in the right position..

Michael Bradley plays in MLS and couldn’t possibly make a run like that through top-tier European midfield. Oh, wait...

Thanks for joining us here, Mr. Lucas.

Aside from the fact that he’s a career criminal... Han shot first.

uhhh, no. The cops killed Gray, and thats why they are in Jail (currently out on bond). Just arresting him because he fled (all though pointless to begin with) was not the reason for them being in Jail.

Well, for starters, the bangers killing people in Baltimore and other cities aren’t paid by the taxpayers to keep the peace/enforce the law/not beat the everloving shit out of people.

You had such a good article going, then you ruined it with this:

Determined to return to the lineup, Helmburg promises "fireworks from the number-two hole."