If I were a low-level Marlins staffer, I’d put the office phone used for trades about 5 feet to Jeter’s left. That way I’d be sure he’d never get to it.

In return he’ll get $24 worth of beads and trinkets, a food voucher for a Yankee Stadium luxury box, and a lovely Harry and David’s gift basket.

I think Ted was given a small ownership stake in the Senators as well.

His playing days showed the benefits of 1) being a really good player, and 2) never saying or doing anything remotely of note. He said nothing and thus could be all things to all people, people free to impose their own worldview on the tabula rasa that was his personality.

Jeter takes over Marlins, has zero baseball management experience, looks to be cutting payroll.

By jesus powers you mean deer antler spray, right?

That shouldn’t be difficult: Fear, Sadness, Loathing, Ennui, Despair.

The grille looks like the Destiny logo. Lotsa gamers there at Honda.

Joke’s on him, they let him out onto the field at 2:32 PM.

That’s why I choose Park Ward. The only proper choice.

I think he’s likely always been a grumpy grumperson, and as he gets older it simply becomes more apparent.

It happened to PK Subban. Ward’s was first though.

Iginla’s going to the Hall of Fame. He’s a legit superstar.

Plus he’s from Washington State but has an accent straight out of Shitkicker, Texas. Super annoying to hear it.

Lester’s getting paid $25 million this year and has put up a 99 ERA+. It shows you where our society’s at right now with all that stuff.

Jeez Jon, lighten up. I guess that’s just nacho bag, baby.

Mike Tomlin called another team “assholes,” but it appears he was the asshole all along!

Oh, but he’s sorry he used a racial epithet! He was just mad you guys!

Oof. He’s now the Bluesmobile of running backs.

Bourtles is what they have for tea with a side of spotted dick, I think.