Most dudes go home and beat off after pretty much any encounter with a female. I've been flying half-mast all day since the drive-thru lady asked if I wanted a receipt.

Does it really matter if it's a butt or a belly? When it comes to RGIII, no one is really expecting accuracy.

My two favorites.

Dear Squids,

yes, nauseous pregnant women have been known to be global killers

I just returned from a week in several European countries. Rarely did I hear anyone mention the word Ebola, nor did any flight attendants try to harass any brown-skinned person with the sniffles. The Fox News (and their loyal sheeple) over-reaction to, and general hatred of anything remotely associated with Africa,…

>Throughout all of this, there's one company that's shifted its focustowards the American market.

What it comes down to is, stop being a bitch and buy a bike if you want a bike. Everyone comes up with a million excuses as to why they can't ride but most of them are just that, excuses.

We need to make helmets compulsory everywhere. I see so many people who, strangely, wear a jacket with no helmet. That's about like wearing a condom, but cutting the top off.

He went to on his knees and slid before making a religious gesture. Nice try. Quit trying to make a story out of something that isn't there.

As a Jersey City resident, these aren't that bad. People are just assholes and drive way too fast. And you can see them, since they are new pavement while the rest of the roads are grey and need repaving.

In defense of common sense though, even Ray Charles could have seen that was a terrible fucking call.

So, I count 4 sentences. Let me guess: you only read 3?

This is absolutely disgusting. I've gone a long time pretending this shit didn't exist, and that was perfectly fine until it started getting thrown in my fucking face. This has gone too far. Now I'm going to have to explain to my children that OWN is an actual TV network.

Someone of that gender and socio-economic background will no doubt face the full fury of the law when she is punished. I am most surprised daddy didn't have her in a Range Rover or Cayenne or something.

YOU MUST BE SPECIAL TO OWN SOMETHING OFF OF THE SHELF AT RADIO SHACK. not only are we not impressed with your choice of headphones, we are simply dissinterested in your ability to purchase and own such a generic, disgustingly overpriced, wholly underperforming over marketed piece of shit. I could buy 10 sets with…

Unfortunately for Erik, StubHub will be unable to refund the time he spends watching this shitty World Series in person.

Eh, it's only a Cardinals game.