“ . . . and we are definitely not interested in offering him a max contract, nor would we wish to subject him to the intense sunshine and burdensome marketing opportunities of Los Angeles, to say nothing of all the awkwardly top-heavy women who are eager to give him a sexually transmitted infection as the result of…

I would love it if coaches started using dry sarcasm to make the same point.

He might want to freeze some semen before game 2, because Draymond and his foot are coming for his fertility.

With Green explicitly acknowledging him as a Guy, Siakam may want to take steps to protecting that Guyhood in Game 2...

The entire city is exploding right now. I can hear it from my place, and I’m a good 5k (3mi) from the ACC (no one calls it Scotiabank Arena).

LOL who gives a fuck

So am I allowed to listen to Sublime or not?  The article isn’t clear and I want to make sure I’m legally protected against Pitchfork

Player Chooses Christ, Church Over College

The deaths of my heroes allow me to focus on what is truly important: me.

When you think about it, Robin Lopez actually did not get the defensive rebound.

Reporter: You were right behind, uh...[Bradley] Beal, who got third.
Klay:

I think the best scenario is that Durant makes a fatal mistake in Game 7 to lose the Finals and then we skip ahead five years and Durant has given up and gotten fat and Green has to come to his hut and convince him to come back and help them make one last title run together. And Green will bring a raccoon to the hut.

Jesus, man. This is harrowing. Like everyone else in the comments, I’m glad things didn’t go differently.

“Sometimes it’s clear he’s trying to push guys over the edge, but that’s just because he wants them to give an out of this world performance.”

“You just have to adjust to his style. Which is, how can I say it, a little on the flat side.” 

This is very well done, Giri. I almost feel guilty that I get to read it for free.

You left out the mainstay of all Deadspin rankings, which is our best chance here: getting hit by a truck 

Had a lively discussion w/ my brother about this over the weekend. He’s still convinced Mueller or some other investigation is going to find some magic “impeach” bullet that will take Trump down. I’m closer to your line of thinking i.e. that he will face zero repercussions and the best case scenario at this point is…