Well, it's better than a homing turtle shell when you're leading all the traffic.

So does the prostitute.

It's narcissism masquerading as empathy for people who demand to be noticed for their piety.

Cut my penis of once, shame on you. Cut my penis off twice...QUIT CUTTING MY PENIS OFF!!!

I love it so much when idiots accuse Gawker of constantly race-baiting, and then post comments to articles that have nothing to do with race, and don't mention race, and attempt to make it about race. And then fail to see the irony of it all.

The Deadspin post on this video gifted what may be my favorite kinja comment of 2014:

I hope it's mom's job to teach their daughter how to use a tampon.

Jezebel really is a black hole for sarcasm.

Mine is 94% real! Yes, America's Baby appeals to the REAL PEOPLE.

Yeah, dude, those gigantic giraffes have a hard g, too, right?

How do I know how much paper I need for this? Is there some way to measure how much paper should be cut from the roll based on package size?

"I personally think Tebow seems like a lovely, genuine guy."

As someone who grew up in the deep south, I have met countless numbers of lovely, genuine people who nevertheless wouldn't feel the slightest compunction about legislating their retrograde bigoted evangelical beliefs into practice given half a chance. When I…

I'm possibly an overly grumpy traveler (I'm definitely overly grumpy today, anyway) but no amount of talent would make me happy that person was singing on an airplane.

I'd like to teach the world to sing

Dan Gilbert: sensitive penis.

Yeah, I was thinking butthole, or shithead, or asspimple. Asshole will definitely work!

I personally dumped a small fortune into Namco through the quarter slots of their Bosconian machine.

I like much of Silverstein's poetry—but The Giving Tree incites a rage stroke.

hot take: fuck this guy

Every sport is grown men acting like children. Landing a sweet trick in skateboarding? Whats the point? Having more style than the other surfer? Who cares? Being faster than the other cyclist? Does not matter. But these are all sports, and people love it.