Diarrhea...I’ll see myself out

People spend $18 for a 2 hour movie...why is $18 for a 3 hour game expensive?

I paid 18 bucks for taco bell last week

*I will not laugh out loud in the office, I will not laugh out loud in the office, I will not laugh out loud in the office, I will not laugh out loud in the office...*

Indeed. He was murdered. By Obama. Using aged steaks, plenty of Barolo, and cigars. It’s obvious.

One thing I appreciate about Alex Jones conspiracy theories is that they are really mere seeds that, when planted in the minds of his fans and followers, inspire even crazier conspiracy theories.

I think your affliction may be contagious! I actually applauded Trump saying “There were no weapons of mass distraction and they KNEW there were no weapons of mass distraction” and saying Jeb’s mother should run for president (implied - instead of him). Trump said multiple words in a row I agreed with -WTF?

Republicans think women’s health is a myth.

I know. It was like being in an alternate universe last night, like did Trump think he was at the Democratic debate or something? You left out his statement that Planned Parenthood does wonderful things for women’s health. And how the FUCK does a statement like that get boo’ed??!!!??

I have the weirdest need to help Jeb Bush. I disagree with him on literally every element of policy, but I just want to take him aside and be like “no, buddy, use the zipper. You got this.”

I’m so confused when Trump does stuff like blame 9/11 on W, then last night he says the Iraq war was a mistake that Bush lied us into and told Jeb that his mom should run for president instead of him??? Like I find myself agreeing with Trump???? Should I see a doctor??

There has never been a more appropriate use of “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Cheers mate.

Best use of ‘goose and gander’ I’ve seen in decades. Brava!

Why can’t men accept impotence as what it so very clearly is? God’s will for them.

I like this woman’s approach; if they want Big Government sticking its nose where it doesn’t belong, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander. If they’re gonna govern by Sharia, let’s be equally absurd and draconian for both sexes.

His tells are his name. It is a specific naming convention. Usually around something in tomato history.

Tomato Face troll has to be one of the writers somewhere in Gawker, no? That dude is always promoted and always trolling.

Bill should just make eggs for the whole family. It’s the 2010s, man.

I’ve tried to do this, but usually end up getting derailed by extremely liberal interpretations of the number 5.

You say uncomfortableness, I say fear..I am 29 and am finally making “decent” wages. I never had it nice growing up and was homeless for a brief stint in my early 20s. I never forget the days I had to pick between food and electric, or ducking the tow truck that was coming to repossess my ford taurus in the middle of…