Illustration by Kevin Necessary.

You seem to think her age makes her harmless or less dangerous with a gun. If she can pull a trigger, then she is as dangerous as any gang thug. You yourself said "senile" —- People with dementia can change personalities and become violent even if they were gentle all their lives. I've actually seen that happen. Their…

I grew up loving horses and racing —- I rode them whenever I could. I wanted a horse more than anything in the world. I read all those Black Stallion books. I assumed in my childish naivete that valuable race horses were all retired to idyllic pastures and fussed over by rich kids... as a teenager, I read a Hemingway…

Little girls and little boys are taught this if they are very rich —- or very poor. Many parents who grew up poor, as mine did, wanted to make sure their children could hold their own in "polite" society and reflect well on the family. I think I've used those manners about four times. Human pretension is laughable…

I think its funny.

The sacred Chicago Manual of Style says:

They left out the part about breaking bread into three (not two and not four) pieces BEFORE buttering. Also we Americans grab the fork as if we are about to stab somebody with it when cutting meat. It should be held tines down, not in one's fist. Index finger forward to guide the fork. You cut three pieces of meat…

Those errant apostrophes drive me crazy too. BTW, you graduate from high school, not graduate high school.

You wouldn't put a hyphen in fucked-up, would you? Is that what you're referring to?

I work from home and have gradually become more and more nocturnal. I usually sleep at about 4 a.m. and get up at 9:30 or so. Sometimes I stay up all night and catch a nap after breakfast. People I work with sometimes ask me "how can you be sending out emails at 3:45?!" I was not a good on-site worker; it was always…

That would be you? I always say "that would be me." I'm the baby gazelle who wanders off alone and gets taken hostage by a mother cheetah so her cubs can play tag with me for the next four hours. I'm the young mountain goat who prematurely takes on the alpha male and gets my ass knocked off the mile-high crag. Out of…

I thought that as one's blood sugar rises from the influx of food, the feeling of hunger abates, and one's appetite wanes. So the food doesn't taste so delicious. Maybe changing foods is our effort to prolong or re-experience the sensation of pleasure we get from those first bites. People who eat slowly and give their…

From a short story about a woman who pets a stray cat:

Light it up over Steak Diane.

Try a little burgundy. It goes well with mushrooms and gives a bit of darkness to the flavor that we always liked.

But it gets ridiculous when you hear people say things like "his dog went to the bathroom in the car."

You're so missing the point. It doesn't matter if the person is homeless on the street pushing a shopping cart or the Queen of England. You treat them and their property with respect. If somebody trusts you with their dwelling, you don't act like a swine slob and then shrug it off by assuming the person has big bucks.

You're a helluva cook! Chef... whatever. Your guests are lucky.

You can get those fascinating centrifugal force contraptions quite cheap at dollar stores or if you are not averse to venturing into a Wal or other mart —- it's well worth it because watery salad sucks (and don't skip this step because you're hungry —- I have gratefully washed away many an earwig, rock and other alien…

That's my viewpoint as well. If I needed the money to survive, then I would not loan it. If I can afford to loan it, then I can afford to lose it. That's just my POV. A friend is worth more than $$ and I wouldn't risk a friendship over money. When I had no money to loan, I helped my broke friends by writing resumes…