Eli Manning Just Wants A Bud, Light

If J.R. wants to change his image, maybe he should stop hanging around known criminals like the Hamburglar.

The use of public funds on sports stadiums and arenas is bad enough, but at least there's a concrete goal

"Yeah, poor woman. Real embarrassing for that to happen to you on TV. Mm-hm."

How could you not know Polk High's greatest football achievement?

"As a guy who moved from Ohio to D.C. to take a better job, I have but one piece of advice: the road trip to Buffalo is a killer."

David Carradine knows a thing or two about ecstatic suspension.

Associated Bank: Putting Families Out Into The Cold Since 2009.

WHY DON'T THEY ATTACK THEM ALL AT ONCE?

They actually tried this in America already, only instead of soccer it was college football, instead of players it was an assistant coach, and instead of the field of play, it was a shower.

Actually, it's Doug.

Phil Robertson who has not been fired and still has a job in spite of saying something exponentially more hateful and crazy than anything that has ever come out of Kluwe's mouth? That Phil Robertson? The guy who took a brief break from ranting and raving about how gays are going to hell (and suggesting that grown men…

I can still hit the ball 45 yards outside the numbers with good hangtime

It's a good theory, but I don't think it makes complete sense. Priefer wouldn't cut you because he'd be afraid that he'd catch AIDS.

Even though Philly sold all their tickets, three of four Eagles fans will definitely be blacked out.

When someone—a public figure, no less—says "You can print this," how the fuck does that conversation remain "off-the-record"?

Normally it's difficult to choose a favourite on a list like this, but this was an easy pick.