And yet, I bet you lost your shit when Nintendo announced Mother 1, a 20+ year old NES game, coming to Virtual Console.

“This story has the distinct honor of being both incredibly offensive, yet not at all offensive, as well as hilarious.”

You are exactly the type of idiot that Jerry Seinfeld was talking about.

This entire Triple Crown run has revitalized horse racing in America. I swear I heard at LEAST one person in my entire office on Monday talking about it, or maybe they were discussing an American Pie movie. I don’t know. I wasn’t really paying attention.

So, it’s Mega Man Anniversary Collection with some concept art? Oh boy!

They could have actually given this package some value and included 7, 8, 9 and all the X games, and made it worthwhile.

The fact that he got paid his entire salary last year to sit at home while serving a year long suspension for beating the fuck out of a little kid, and then wanted MORE money, is what made me side with the Vikings. Not anything his agent said.

Kinda funny how a man gets tortured for an entire season, culminating with his cock getting cut off, and nobody bats an eye. A woman gets raped in a scene in which NOTHING is shown, only implied, and everyone loses their shit.

He is free to save his body and get into a career path that is less dangerous.

Zach LaVine is a professional basketball player, and each of his Dunk Contest dunks were better than this one.

Can’t we implement some kind of Express Death system for cases like this? Save everyone a lot of time and money by just dusting this scumbag in a back room about 30 minutes after the verdict is read?

I bet attendance at these Color Event runs would plummet if cell phones were prohibited. Seems like the only reason people go to these things is so they can take selfies to upload to Facebook and Twitter, or use on their OKCupid profile.

Oh boy, I can’t wait to roam around another brown, bombed out, ugly-as-sin post apocalyptic open world. My enthusiasm is at a fever pitch for this groundbreaking, innovative concept.

I plan on reading The Joy Luck Club to my children and changing the races and gender of multiple characters, so the book adheres to my own personal standards of diversity.

Giant men beating women is the best thing to ever happen to Deadspin’s hit counter.

I’ll just drink A&W instead of this poison.

This story just confirmed something that I had been suspecting for a decade now: comic books are still really stupid.

Holy shit, fast food isn’t great for me? Thanks for uncovering this deeply buried secret, Deadspin.

#4 Jeff Green takes 5 steps before putting the ball on the floor. Easy to dunk in the NBA when you don’t have to worry about dribbling.

Gawker must have someone on their staff, full time, who does nothing but track down blackface stories. Nothing like a bunch of white people being offended by blackface.

My sympathies for this serial rapist.

$99 could pay my internet bill for a month and a half, which is fitting because I, like probably hundreds of thousands of others, will just stream this online for free.