The only game I've ever played on my phone is Tetris, because it requires basic taps and swipes. No way in hell I am playing a hack and slash RPG like Secret of Mana on a touch screen device. Why not make these games for the 3DS and Vita?

So when is the inevitable "Why didn't they hire a female woman of color?" article?

Nah, Deadspin is still comfortably up Yasiel Puig's ass.

Because Jason Whitlock is a fat person.

If you ever criticize Puig for anything, then you are a racist. This also holds true if you don't think he's the greatest baseball phenom since Ken Griffey Jr.

Except, Mike Trout is a better player in basically every single way. But sure, Puig is awesome because some old, white sportswriters don't like him. Let's get a couple more stories about that.

Or, get excited about Byron Buxton, who has almost as much speed, but can actually hit.

This is what The Simpsons has become. A terrible show that occasionally gets people talking because of couch gags that feature pop culture references, or new Simpsons merchandise like Legos, and nothing else.

This article needs more "neckbeard", because that's such a hilarious way to define people.

So with the financial success of both Bravely Default and Ni No Kuni, hopefully companies will realize that you can still sell JRPG's in the West, if you take the time and make them, you know, GOOD, and not just pandering bullshit that tries to appeal to anime nerds (like every garbage NIS America game). Oh, who am I…

I guess Richard Sherman is now the go-to guy for race related HOT SPORTS TAKES, just like Chris Kluwe used to be for marriage and gay equality takes.

Oh sure, when it's a white dog attacking someone it's cute. When black Randall Simon does it, it's assault!

In case anyone is interested, this is what Derek Mason actually looks like: ?v=221357

Yep, it's such a non-event, Deadspin isn't even covering Opening Day.

Oh, wait.

If you need 12 tips before traveling somewhere, then you probably don't want to travel there.

You must have incredibly specific taste in games, because the Vita has great games in basically every genre.

RPG: Y's Memories of Celceta, the Persona games, the Disgaea games
Shooters: Killzone Mercenary, Uncharted Golden Abyss
Action RPG: Ragnarok Odyssey, Soul Sacrifice
Platformers: 2 Rayman games, Spelunky, Steamworld…

So, the story about how the Eagles are racist for releasing him, and that black culture is misunderstood in America, is coming in a couple hours right?

The winner of the 2014 Name of the Year gets an all expenses paid trip to the St. Louis Ballpark Village. If they even let them in.

Yep, I bet Kevin Love can't wait to play for either of those teams.

12th best defensive rating in the league? Yeah, that's a joke. Whoever put together that formula needs to be flogged. They rank dead last in opponents field goal percentage, and 26th in points per game. Also dead last in blocked shots, because they have nobody that can protect the rim.

Yep, sure sounds like a Top 12…