Modders should get paid for their time and effort.

I was supposed to flying out to the Midwest for the christening for my cousin’s baby, but of course when I made it to PHL for my connection all of the flights were cancelled because of a MAJOR thunderstorm that’s about to hit. Airline says they can’t get me to Ohio, but they can send me back to Vermont on the very…

The last time my parents came for a visit, my mom complained non-stop; she particularly resented that she had to go upstairs to go to the bathroom. After one trip upstairs, she mumbled, "If I lived in this house, I'd kill myself." To which I replied, "If you lived in this house, I'd kill myself."

It is well known at my workplace that my wonderful girlfriend is, shall we say, Ruebenesque.

My grandparents have worked hard all their lives and are comfortably well off. Grandma feels she has eqrned the right to enjoy herself. Grandpa is full of residual middle class guilt and is a little tight fisted. Grandma bought a pair of little chrome and wood tables and the scene is set.

First time commenting! Probably will be in the greys, but I got to share this:

So, I spent my High School years volunteering at a Domestic Violence shelter. It provided a home for abused women and their children, as well as access to food, health/mental health care, legal help, apartments. It wasn’t just a shelter, but a support system, too.

When I was a teenager my group of friends planned a day at the beach out at the end of Long Island. My parents were irrationally strict and said I couldn’t go. This pissed me off inordinately, because I was this kid who never got in trouble and they really should have trusted me. I was tired of all the restrictions…

Chatting up an older co-worker at my new job, sharing background and all that. He looks at my nametag and goes “Oh, your last name’s ____? I dated a girl up in Iowa with that last name years ago, Laura ____.”

My roommate had a date with a girl he barely knew, and my girlfriend and I were going out that night too, so we thought we’d tag along to meet the girl/provide cover in case she was bizarro. Right away I can tell Gary (roomie) and girl aren’t meant for each other. She’s of the Namaste tribe, Gary’s a baseball player…

Pretty girl at the bus stop sneezes

A couple of my friends in college were friends/roommates with this one guy. Think classic rich white frat bro, but in skinny nerd form. If anyone in that group ever said something absurdly racist or sexist it was probably him, probably while drunk, and because of that his friends had zero problems calling him a dick…

Ooh, ooh, I have one more (not my burn, but someone else’s). It is related to the same awful ex. He had an ongoing thing where he would tell people that he used to look like Scott Weiland. He had lost a lot of weight in his early 20s and dyed his hair red and wore eyeliner a lot, but that was IT for the resemblance,…

This burn is really only funny within the context of the relationship in which it was said: I was with a horribly verbally abusive guy who constantly harped on my (and other women’s) weight despite the fact that he was probably 70 lbs overweight. NOT something I’d normally comment on, but he didn’t stop making nasty…

Several years ago, I had a run in with the law that forced me to move back in with my parents (at the age of 20). A few weeks after the initial arrest/arraignment but a few weeks before my first readiness hearing, my dad and I decided to go shopping at Ikea put in some new shelves around the house. As we walked…

I have to share this because it was one of the few times when I had the perfect retort. So, I was in high school (a VERY long time ago). I was talking to my friend about getting into a certain college. Some guy comes by and says “You got in? They rejected me. What did you do - blow an admission officer?” Me: “Yeah and…

At a former job the local IS Manager was hilariously brutal.

I grew up an hour from the U.S./Canada border, on the U.S. side. At the time, Americans could drink in Canada at 19. So my friends and I went to Canada and got in trouble. A lot. On the most memorable of these incidents, I took one for the team and spent the night in jail. The details don’t really matter, but suffice…

Looking in the rosé section of the bottle shop for a picnic drink, and asked a French couple who were also browsing for a recommendation (in a friendly way). On hearing my Australian accent, the man said, in that uniquely snobby way “Nothing Australian - it’s crap”. To which I responded “Yeah, we export all our crap…

[sigh] Not the greatest/most original burn, but dammit I thought of it on the spot, it was good, and I HAVE A WITNESS!