It’s not so much a “stand”, more of a tall, bending crouch. And it’s the only correct method.

This is where I think there’s a miscommunication. The sitters seem to assume “standing” means being completely upright (like whatever that above-the-stall writer was talking about). But what “standers” actually mean, I assume, is going up onto your legs but you’re still completely bent over. This puts your ass in…

You stay at a crouch. It’s almost a squat but slightly up so your butt is hovering in the air above the bowl. I don’t know why anyone would stand completely up, pushing their buns together. That doesn’t seem sanitary. Then again neither does remaining seated.

Combo style ass-wiping. Slight stand-crouch for maximum penetration. How the fuck does one stand and wipe their ass?

Yeah, I’m a tall guy with big hands and a butt large enough to occupy the seat. My knees are already typically higher than my hips while porcelain seated.

I’m fat and have an old toilet with a small circumference seat at home. I pretty much make an air tight seal when I sit down to shit. If I stay seated to wipe, I would literally have to lean so far forward that my nose would be touching the bathroom floor.

I actually can't even picture how you wipe your ass while sitting. Like, I reach my hand pretty much into the toilet bowl under my balls? What if I took an enormous shit that is peaking above the water? Why would anyone risk that? I wasn't even aware sitting to wipe was a thing people did. What the actual fuck.

She’s counting down the hours until he falls asleep and she can murder him.

Actually the LEGO blog is taking over Jalopnik today as well.

Anna think back to your youth and tell me, what is your favorite Dominique Wilkins dunk? Was it the one where he dunked on the Celtics with one hand, or the one where he dunked on the Celtics with two hands?

great q JR

Burke your headline game is on point.

Theory: It’s part of the NCAA crackdown on weak-ass scheduling of nothing but high school-equivalents. Win 24 games thanks to the 300th toughest nonconference schedule? Not only will we not invite you, we’ll fucking rip your heart out with a crank call.

Serious talk: I think Shaw has shown more than you give him credit for. 13 HR in about 250 PAs is nothing to sneeze at, and not a hugely small sample size. Plus, if you haven’t actually seen him play, you haven’t seen that he really drives the ball well, which bodes well for his being able to maintain his level of…

This is pretty funny, considering that, so far as I can tell, nobody at Deadspin has ever written anything that wasn’t negative about Hillary.

Inept? They pull in 7 billion a year to show beer commercials, they know exactly what they’re doing. The people who watch, on the other hand...

The team couldn’t pay him a coaching salary as a player-coach (it’s prohibited by the CBA). And LeBron doesn’t work for free. He will undermine someone else’s work for free, but that’s just his hobby.

Wait - you’re telling me Yahoo makes you put in a score and then pick a winner separately? That makes no sense, theoretically you could pick Villanova to win yet have a final score of Villanova 62 North Carolina 65?

Funny. When Delonte West was on the team it was James’ mom who was head coach.

Why is he not a player-coach already? The media would get to double down on LeBron talk (LeBron the coach and LeBron the player). He definitely would love the fucking attention, and he honestly might not be a worse coach than Lue and Blatt.