Why?! Because he’s Australian?! Oh, I get it. They’re all the same. They can all just develop a 3-pointer on the fly. Man, you make me sick, with your... your... hemispherism. It’s 2019.

Really had no choice but to comment.

Thank me later.

+1 username synergy

Wizards are going to have to declare a national emergency to pay his contract.

Word out of Washington is that their plan was always to have him be John Steel Slats anyway.

Man, the one time a Dodgers fan stays for the 9th. 

Dammit, Razor! You’re a wild card, don’t play by the rules, and the commissioner wants your badge, but you've cracked this case wide open. You sonofabitch.

And then a little later:

Maybe if it's a tennis ball.

Whereas a rando homer signing up for a burner account just to make it clear to everyone that he’s completely missed the joke is extremely original and cool.

You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

January is one of the least popular wedding months

The miserable change now at my end
Lament nor sorrow at; but please your thoughts
In YouTubing them with those my former highlight clips
Wherein I lived, the greatest prince o’ the world of Syracuse,
The noblest Nugget; and do now not basely die,
Not cowardly put off my headband to
My countryman,—a Rocket by a Rocket
Valiantl…

I mean, you faked a giant into leaving his feet while at full sprint, and ran into his path. I don’t know what you expected would happen, Russ.

Embiid is 10th in PER. Westbrook is 39th.

Moderately surprised he didn’t trot out some holocaust survivors to say they were fine with the slogan.

After retirement, MLB players get really good health benefits if they’ve had even a cup of coffee in the majors.

I mean sure he’d make more money up front, but if he has a long MLB career he could end up making more money. Not to mention there’s always the possibility of suffering a career threatening injury on any given play, or developing CTE and having a poorer quality of life when his career is over. But who cares about…

Shut the fuck up.