Please tell me you are commenting from Illinois.

Ooooh a number of reasons!

Yes to all that, but: I could barely concentrate because the patron in the image left $2.32 to pay for a $2.69 tab. Not only did the cheapskate who came in and ordered FUCKING TOAST not tip me, he shorted me. Assface.

You know, if you just work from home with Google, you can avoid all this nonsense.

Parents of 5 year old adorable moppet use child as surrogate to gain something they aren't sympathetic enough to get for themselves.

This would be a freedom of speech issue if it were simply imposed as an order by the court (prior restraint, all that), but it's not; it's an agreed-to provision of her probation as per a plea agreement.

I actually came to this article hoping to see a reason to defend the woman, but no, this is all perfectly valid and…

It also didn't really work out for Arthur... I mean, do these people read books?

I hate people who are totally wrapped up in themselves.

I like him too, mostly because by all accounts he loves drinking beer, gambling, and eating fried food, which is why his career probably should have been better than it was. He was rarely in shape. For that reason, I find him more relatable than most athletes. I also would have screwed up my career by eating and…

NOT ALL MATHEMATICAL OPERATIONS.

I'll take Gabriel Gonzaga "Crocopping" Mirko Cro Cop.

which was about as daring and improvisational a play as the sport allows.

I've actually been looking at my Roth IRA just as the Reverend mentioned above, it's actually the majority of my current emergency fund. I understand what you (Max) mean about people not thinking in an emergency about which portion of the account is contributed and which is returns, but when I call my brokerage they…

Justified already has too many underused fan favorites who work wonders with, like, one line per episode

Game of Thrones: The best combination of casual nudity and horrific violence ever assembled.

This gives me hope that Deadspin will run the 18,000 word article I wrote about the time the fascist Nazis at O'Dooligan's Irish Bar & Grill DQ'd me from the Thursday Night Nineball tournament on the flimsy pretext of having my foot slightly off the ground when I shot the winner, when really it was all about how…

Considering the guy is apparently famous enough to have one of those "put your face in here and pretend to be his girlfriend then take a picture" attractions at a local restaurant, is it really that surprising he was able to pull so much ass?

I'll admit, I was crazy. Crazy for lowering my standards for you. Crazy for believing you had potential. Crazy for making excuses for your faults and overlooking your downfalls. Crazy for believing you when you told me you loved me and wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Crazy for wasting 2 1/2 years on…

Short shorts and Wings.