Not best first:

Seriously, everyone knows that you sweep the hair UNDER your head for spooning, not over your face.

common core

This is so so sooooo important. I don't remember the first time I had an orgasm from masturbating, but I was definitely in my 20s. I only JUST had my first with a partner at the age of 34. From the time I had my first kiss at 13 and then first had sex at 19, I've understood my sexuality as something for boys/men to…

I'm pretty sure I've told this story around here before...

"Bitch, please."

Sorry. John De Lancie, the creepy OB/GYN of The Hand that Rocks the Cradle:

I will repeat this story till my dying day: I had dinner with her once (LET ME EXPLAIN!) when my University was hosting a Roe v. Wade re-enactment (you can guess what side Phyllis was on) and I had to take her to dinner as I was one of the hosts of the debate. Her favorite phrase, said over and over and OVER was…

"Old woman yells at cloud"??

Somebody I really like and admire posted it, and I was like . . . noooooooooooooo.

I'm not sure if it was the combination of blowing up in the office and shoving that burrito in Jonah's face, but Dan has gotten super hot this season.

Is that a Vladimir Putin head-on-a-stick between them?

omg my cousin and I just about died laughing when we found her mom's boyfriends copy.

My aunt, perpetually unmarried but with Serious Boyfriend, always had giant bridal catalogs and I enjoyed them the most. It's a good thing I didn't get married when I was 8, in the mid-80s, because my wedding (to Todd of the beautiful eyelashes) would've been hideous.

What is a juggalo

Excellent, but needs more Faygo.

Also Lilibet, for a twist! That's my favorite form.

I think if you like the name Betsy more than Elizabeth you should just name your kid Betsy. My grandpa's legal name is Johnny. He's a huge business man and he's had people telling him his whole career that he should lengthen it to Jonathan or shorten it to John but he always says "No, that's not my name. My name is…

Maybe you'll be on the cutting edge of the revival!