I know someone who dated a bank robber. That’s about all I got.

My gym teach was named Joanie and she married a man with the last name of Jones. She went by her hyphenated name at school, but I once heard her answer the phone with a very chipper, “Joanie Jones!” and I was weirded out.

Yesterday I was at an indoor playground with my toddlers and a group of under 10-year-olds were sitting in a castle belting out Wildest Dreams and substituting in “heck” for “hell.” It kind of made me want to murder everything. But then I was singing Wildest Dreams for the rest of the day, so I guess Taylor wins this…

The breastfeeding in public debate is one of the silliest things I have ever encountered.

I have breastfed in public quite a few times (32 months combined and counting!) with almost no incident, positive or negative. I think I recall some ladies cooing over my baby while I breastfed on a bench at Disneyland. But I do remember being super impressed with some stealth breastfeeding I saw other women doing.…

I said it before, and I’ll say it again: You gotta lock that down, Miley.

I used to take dance classes from a Mrs. Washington winner with alopecia. She was the best. She only wore a baseball cap and it would always pop off when we did stretches. As a kid, I never thought anything of it, but now I realize how brave she was.

What ridiculous human beings.

I ended up planning my high school reunion, and I did it all on Facebook. We contacted the high school for addresses, but they didn’t have them. After that, we did make some effort to google people to find their addresses, but it took forever and there was no guarantee the addresses were correct. At that point, we…

Can I ask how long you have been out of high school? All the girls who were mean to me in high school now follow me on Instagram. I don’t follow them, though, because who cares what they’re doing? But my point is, I thought people eventually grew out of that crap.

I love the “success is yours for the taking” part. It’s especially true in this case.

It also says he’s been on tour with her for TWO MONTHS. I can definitely see how a teenager would want to live in one place and build a life.

I have a difficult-to-pronounce Italian name, and my husband thinks it’s hilarious to introduce me to people using the incorrect American pronunciation. He’s a riot.

Give her a sec to put her hair helmet on.

But it’s ALMOST a fedora.

Almost everything my dad does is PEAK DAD. He is very unintentionally hilarious.

I guess this is semi-related because it involves cousins and periods. I got my period while hanging out with my cousin, and she was like, “Tell your mom while I’m here so I can see her reaction.” She was demanding and making threats so I would agree to do it, but I refused. My mom was a nurse and was totally cool…

My older sister told me that when you got your period, eyes and fingers came out. She was so mean.

Our rabbit died when the neighbor fed him candy. At least that’s how my four year old brain recalls it. So it’s possible they all got some bad food. My husband’s rabbit died of heat stroke, so that could also happen to all three.

We’re all models west of the Allegheny in 1905.