1: The manicure in that second video is on point.

Oh, Jennifer, I’ll miss you most of all.

He also used to beat up the homeless, torture animals, and mug people. Dude is a straight up monster. http://www.cnn.com/TRANSCRIPTS/12…

You should take it one step further and have it framed.

I am so jealous of you right now.

Staff firings, elimination of some sub-blogs, and possibly a change to the very nature of Jezebel. I’m worried. http://www.theawl.com/2015/11/accoun…

Yes, I desperately need a hair tutorial to accomplish that look.

It’s the only place on the site where I’m not grey. Sigh...

The article stated that, “Jezebel will be hiring an editor to launch a new health, beauty, and self-care subsite.” Ummmmm, isn’t that what Millihelen already was? Poor Jane.

“Ok, here’s the premise: we have two pedophiles who groom little girls, one of them from birth, to be their brides.”

My husband has complained for years about how “disorganized” and “messy” I am. Yet, I am the only one in the house who knows where anything is.

I will give you Sandra and Demi, but looking at Kim makes me sad. She is beautiful, but she looks nothing like herself and almost like a robot. In my mind, she is an example of bad plastic surgery.

This is my theory: if celebrities and politicians, the most wealthy and connected people possible, look terrible with plastic surgery, then there is no way it will make me look good. Best to age naturally rather than look freakish.

My husband took a pic of me in labor and likes to bring it out to laugh at. He also ate all the snacks in my hospital bag and then didn’t replenish them.

Yep. I don’t care enough about you to learn your name. Gross behavior.

I always made my barbies have sex. And I was a creepy child who encouraged my friends to make THEIR barbies have sex. I got in trouble once at my cousin’s house once because my uncle caught me. I claimed the barbies were “taking a shower,” but who knows if he believed me. Here was the procedure: one barbie would kiss…

Oh no, I bow down to you on that new last name. That is next level.

I feel like people should be able to intuit the pronunciation from all of the Italian food in our culture. I’m not sure how good my skills are, but I would have ASKED you how to pronounce it and then REMEMBERED because I’m not an animal.

There was no hope with mine. Only two out of five letters have a traditional English pronunciation, and it isn’t a common Italian last name. It’s similar to Bill de Blasio’s name, so maybe if he’d been famous when I was growing up, I’d have had an easier time.

I have your holy grail base coat right here, my friend. I have gotten a manicure to last a full week without chipping with this stuff. Here are application instructions, as it’s a little different than a regular base coat. Let me know what you think.