Show up wearing a hard hat and carrying a clipboard and you can do anything

People who buy the most popular phone in the world are buying it for the exclusivity? Is that a joke?

He’s essentially paying $440ish per year to lease a brand new, top of the line phone. Nothing wrong with that.

My Galaxy s8 plus manages IP68 Just fine with a headphone jack. That’s better water resistance than iPhone 8.

So you’re saying that every woman in Australia should spend their entire lives in a perpetual state of butthurt due to the overuse of the word cunt? Really? Should I get offended every time someone calls someone else a dick or a dickhead because I have a dick? That’s ridiculous.

There’s nothing wrong with self-insuring if you have the cash on hand to replace your fleet

Computer squirts a perfect amount of fuel for stoichiometry all the time until your O2 sensors fuck up. Done

Obviously if your child sees your genitals or you see your child’s genitals at any point in time you’re a horrific pedophile who should be shot like a rabid dog

The thing is CONUS is pretty small compared to the Atlantic Ocean, so if you’re only going by storms that make landfall then your numbers are incomplete because only a small percent of named storms are ever going to hit the US. But if the number of named storms is going up then that small percent that hits the US will…

Hurricanes that don’t make landfall don’t count? Lmfao

That has the be the most cushy job ever. Just riding around in motorcades never having to actually do anything

Negative equity? /s

Every user believes they’re the most important user in the company

I always wear a hat because my hair is in the annoying stage of long enough to constantly be in my face but not long enough to put up. Then again I’m 22 so I’m unlikely to be going bald.

What causes your alternator to charge that battery?

He had a nasty habit of burning everything in his wake. A practise which, while totally legit back then, is currently banned under the Geneva conventions because it turns out that intentionally destroying foodstores and other resources civilians need to survive is kind of a dick move.

Anecdotal evidence and all, but I worked retail at a grocery chain for two years and one of my duties was cleaning the restrooms. The women’s room was almost always wayyyy more disgusting than the men’s room.

Yeah because Sherman was such a great guy, right?

Jesus fucking Christ

The odds of you getting killed by someone with a gun are miniscule. The odds of you even getting shot at any point in your life are incredibly slim.