they say he did the kesel run in less than 10 parsecs

I love how they explored the idea that Abraham needed to believe him for his own survival. Their relationship is symbiotic.

I heard that in Craig Ferguson's sexy voice.

Given what I've seen of Lindsay's closets on her various reality television stints, I would ... not ... be interested in an app that made my closet like hers. At all.

I can create total squalor by myself.

Omg I'm dying. Thank you!

Here is the photo I sent, just so everyone knows how grave this injustice is:

Definitely, POINTS!

https://twitter.com/itsWillyFerrel…

I was expecting this...so dissapointed.

Yeah, like, at the end he basically pushes a 10-story building over with his muscles and then McShane is immediately like, "Is he REALLY a demigod!!?!?!? WE MAY NEVER KNOW." Are you sure? Are you sure we don't know?

YOUR SOCKS AND HEAD WILL BE MY TROPHIES, FOUL ONE!

YES. When I first saw the thumbnail picture of the cheesecake, I definitely thought it had cigarette butts clinging to it. Eesh.

I went back and changed the tag on the old one specifically so I could use this multiple times.

Did he fall on his jingle bells?

You get a star for that!

Here's the other reason I did a Foods That Should Not Exist: since this is the column that landed me this job, and a trip out of the nightmare that is the food industry, I thought it only fitting that my last full feature as a Recruit (other than next Monday's BCO) be a probably-overdue edition of Foods That Should…

The mad pooper!