My son is a high quality person

I became a citizen recently. While we were waiting for the ceremony to start some citizens-to-be around me started talking to each other and many named the November election as the reason they finally applied to get their citizenship. We were handed out voter registration cards and people seemed very eager to take…

Lorde rocks, and so does Taylor Swift, and if you don’t think so that’s OK too.

“No, it’s Hydra. Hi-drah.”

Dean Winchester would be disappointed.

Madge probably loved The Phantom Menace.

Putin will bring menstruating women with him into a meeting to scare Trump.

I once spent an entire day digitally removing from her mouth, after she refused to spit it out for an interview.

HUUURK WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT now I’ve got the heebie jeebies

I’m so sorry to have done this to you. You probably wouldn’t have been able to tell during the concert. And One Direction shows are so fun I can almost guarantee you wouldn’t have cared.

If you don’t say it I don’t notice it. I blame you.

One of my only complaints with the otherwise generally flawless Harry Styles is he is constantly chewing gum.

A photo of a woman on her knees cleaning = support for Trump. I guess she’s staying on brand..

Don’t eeeeven get me started with the simultaneous chewing the cud while talking.

Can’t unsee

Every time I see a picture of her she seems to be chewing gum, which seems so low class. She has such a nice smile and the gum just negates the effect of it.

I agree completely. It’s hard. Terribly hard...but if your body can’t keep you alive due to a terminal non curable or treatable disease, then you should not be alive.  

I mean, the only reason that I tend to make sure we all eat at the same time when we’re home is because I want my goddamn kitchen to be cleaned in fell swoop. But if my kid promises to clean up her own mess, she can eat whenever the fuck she wants.

Well, I know I feel safer here in this shining city on the hill, this beacon of freedom, this safe harbor for the wretched and yearning, this symbol that if you work hard you can achieve anything!

People who want to save money on contraception by making themselves unfuckable through sartorial idiocy?