Ok, here’s the pitch:

Can I just tell you how much trouble I have finding non-peppermint gum that has the sweetener that won’t kill my dog? It’s always fucking strawberry.

I have this whole story about Melania that I’ve been building in my head. Currently, she’s devastated at the looming WH move because she has to leave her lover in Trump Tower and has been acting out accordingly by spurning Trump’s advances. I’ve been feeling really sad about it, everyone should be with the one they…

It’s not a painting if the artist didn’t use paint.

And now you’re expending a whole helluva lot more than 140 words defending your bad take, which was about the Ariana hashtag, not about people complaining about potential missed concert dates. What’s more shocking, kids reacting in the moment of the tragedy, or you being so focused on defending your bad take after a…

I was thinking a lot about Ariana last night, actually, along with shedding tears for the victims. She’s probably going to have amplified survivor’s guilt over this since all those people were there to see her. We can have enough sympathy to go around. What do you gain by criticizing a bunch of kids like this? Why are…

I’ve always suspected that it was an act, and she’s definitely playing along with the whole bad-with-numbers gag here.

😂

Are the dolls doing jumping jacks or something?

So you’re saying that they’re sandwiched in seams and not whipstitched on? Or just put period knickers over them?

What would stop you from putting them back on once liberated?

This is the weirdest story.

My PopPop looked like all these guys. It breaks my heart to know that he would have loved Trump and all these other fucks.

There’s no need for ivory. You can make figurines out of different shit and dick pills work much better.

This is what they call karma.

K.

Yeah, sure, but the real question is: how many of them actually believe that crap?

I hear they’re talking about letting them drive to the grocery store. Big league.

I can’t possibly understand what you’ve been through, but I can certainly relate to desperately wanting to get over childhood shit. There are some things that I’ve thought, at several different points in my life, that I’ve gotten over, and then realized that I haven’t. I have a much younger sister and I’m finding that…

Yes. We can thank Justin for yanking out Janet’s tit for that!