I would like to point out that all three of these great feminist moments come out of Texas (Beyonce is native to the Lone Star State).

Beyonce favorite words are: beautiful, crazy, awesome, and blessed. She will use each about 59 times during the course of an interview, so this is totally accurate. Love.

it's weird that Beyonce impressions aren't more common. She has such distinctive speech patterns.

Gimme doz.

Can't even be mad. Nailed it.

Perfect.

Ran out of time; this was the best I could do with your composite request.

It reminds me of when Dan Savage introduced us to the goatse purse.

It's only a societal no-no today. Looking back on this era, nudist future humans will be embarrassed by our clothed millenniums. Be on the right side of history, Laura.

I think this might be kind of like how the Jezebel sex and chocolate thing turned out to be missionary and some unremarkable chocolate I can't remember but no one was happy with. (The average of the average of the average)

Oh, I noticed that (and her eyes ARE gorgeous!), I just think a chin is funnier for some reason. Particularly for a woman who is so frequently represented as the height of sex appeal.

"i got into bed annoyed. We fucked hard and long. i wasn't even into it"

Is there anyone who didn't have this reaction?

duh and all the girls were SUPER hot.

Make it a feature film, casting Michelle Williams and Bradley Cooper, speaking in French. Then I'd watch it.

Ugh, those two curmudgeons make me sick.
A friend of mine gave me an old North Face jacket to pass on to someone that might need it. I put it in my car yesterday and my daughter and I came across a homeless man that just had a thin flannel on. He was so happy to get this warm coat, I watched in my rear view as he put…

These stories are all, like, totally true.

Translation: "I choose my romantic partners solely on their physical appearance, this leads to me dating a lot of hot women who's personalities I find unbearable...feel sorry for me...but also envy me because I'm still getting laid constantly by hot bitchez! I IZ SUPER DEEP, SENSITIVE ARTIST GUY!!!"

The Taylor Swift of shoes.

So the same exact guy, except they moved the hair from his face to his head.