Sure thing, bitch.

Wait a couple years until they're big enough to really hit him and they're not just little pylons out there. THEN we'll see about his little dipsy-doo fuckaroo.

Maybe she was healed by touching the hem of his garment?

And we all know Drew is a closeted Jezzie.

Have you ever wished you wrote for a different Gawker site?

What happens if you go back in time to kill Hitler, but the time machine messes up and you're left alone with a Fuhrer who's only four years old? Would you still be able to shoot him in the face? No witnesses. Just you, Adolf, and his cute little Tickle Me Wagner doll or whatever they had in Austria back then.

If Adrian Peterson was suspended without pay for failing to show remorse, shouldn't Roger Goodell receive the same sentence for the same reason?

God, I would LOVE to see this kid during Toronto's stretch of four goals in nine minutes.

Now I can't tell if you're being sarcastic.

The Sabres should watch this to learn what a open ice hit looks like.

"How dare you use your paper to depict the consequences of the game on which I rely on for my personal wealth!"

Besides, we need it for the Washington Football Team to move back into once they get their politically correct ducks in a row and "warrant" a new stadium.

Presto Flo sounds like an even shittier version of Sunny Delight. I'm really glad this happened.

What is this unwatchable crap?

Now just what in the smoldering hell is wrong with Special Dark? Too sophisticated and European-y for you milk chocolate eating hicks?

She finally tapped one Tweeter atop the head and shouted, "GOOSE!"

And Torii Hunter gets closer to being Below Replacement as both a player and a person.

I wonder how that last photo would stack up against Deadspin readers in an identical pose.

Mark my words: on December 31 at 11:59 pm, Cary's Designs Floral will drop a New Year's Eve arrangement and lose their Business of the Year Award to Sweet Pea Floral just up the street.

THANK you.