Umm they are aware that Samson had his eyes put out, then knocked down the pillars of the temple, killing everyone including himself... right?

Trump will next criticize Clinton’s ill-fitting suits, her inexplicably orange skin, her tendency to loom over people, and her terrible comb-over. “I hear she just reaches out and grabs people by the pussy, is what I hear” reports Trump.

The Mail notes that, at the peak of the Queen’s pack, “there were said to be 13 corgis lolling in the Queen’s private sitting room and nipping the heels of footmen, prime ministers and ladies in waiting.”

I’m hoping the Cosby Effect kicks in and TONS of women come forward with stories this week. That would be beautiful. You know there are a lot more cases of this.

Everytime I see a a little girl dressed as Rey I start crying. I love the new movie so much. I once overheard a girl in Target proudly declaring to her mother that Rey was NOT a princess! I usually dress as Han Solo, but maybe now I want to be Poe!

I wash my legs because I pee in the shower.

Angela Lansbury definitely does not get enough love from pop culture. She is amazing and should be right up there with Betty White adoration

I wish I could give you more stars for “bags of lentils”.

Truth.

My two completely normal obsessions: Scientology and North Korea. I’m planning my wedding right now and my FH and I are trying to figure out how to incorporate our interests/hobbies. Not sure *how* I'm going to work those two in.

This makes me want to lala.

I’ve Performed at the Super Bowl and Hillary Clinton’s Presidential Nomination and All You’ve Done Is Sit On Some Ugly Rocks With an Englishman

I second movers.

Do you think Trump actually loves himself, though? If he was a child, I’d think he was acting out because he feels that there’s something missing and can’t intellectually figure out what it is.

Oh that gif just made me temporarily miss How I Met Your Mother......and then I remembered the last episode and felt ragey

“at a Pepsi event celebrating World Emoji Day.”

This sentence makes my orifices bleed.

I poured orange juice into my coffee instead of milk. Not just “splash! oops, I grabbed the wrong container”, a big full pour. Watched the orange liquid come in contact with dark brown liquid and only thought “huh, looks different today”.

I’m still mourning Better Off Ted.

Additional evidence: At our 4th of July BBQ, 18 weeks pregnant, I couldn’t remember the word “cake” and tried explaining to my confused husband that I wanted a slice of “sugar bread.”