I'd probably make her head explode. I'm an atheist who celebrates the FUCK outta Christmas. I LOVE it. Just not the, you know, religious aspects. But peace on earth, goodwill toward men? That's a notion I can totally get behind.

Viewers root for Fitz?

No no no no, this looks like Kate Gosselin's old haircut. A different short hair-do? Yes. This particular one? Nope.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single woman in possession of a mid-spec PC, must be in want of an RPG.

He's probably all "Jon Snow is cooler". Evil hipster toddlers are the worst.

Tax breaks, social security, medicare and medical benefits, property rights, protection of shared assets, legal protection of any offspring. The legal stuff that marriage is REALLY about.

It should be noted that I wrote this piece as I sat one row behind Madeleine Albright on a train from NYC to DC today so I was especially inspired.

Whoops—just saw all the other jellyfish ideas! Sorry for being so redundant hahaha!

You could be a jellyfish—I saw this in the Martha Stewart Halloween magazine a few years back! Use the umbrella as the jellyfish base then affix any long tentacle like object ( streamers, boas, etc.) around the perimeter of the underside of the umbrella. Then you could just dress in all black or a corresponding color…

Jellyfish! Attach some paper cut outs or strips of fabric around the outside of the Umbrella and hold it over you!

Jellyfish! Just attach some streamers or strips of garbage bag or whatever, and voila.

Morton's salt girl?

Morton salt girl?

Put on a yellow dress and go as the Morton Salt Girl! Or tie streamers under the umbrella and pretend it's a jellyfish

Well, umbrella's could be anything with a celestial theme. Just tape or hot glue stars, a moon, a sun, etc on top of a blue one. The (wo)man in the moon would be cool, though I haven't the faintest idea how you'd do that, or Nut the Egyptian Sky Goddess, as long as you don't mind dealing with terrible puns all night.

Long shot: do you have a rainbow umbrella, or can you make your umbrella look rainbowy? Spin it around and you're the dreaded Apple spinning pinwheel!

You could be the Morton's salt girl, yellow dress white tights, carry a thing of salt

OMG

Jelly fish. Just attach streamers/fabric strips/ gelatinous tissue to the umbrella and there you go.
Or
Morton's salt girl
Or
Raining Cats and Dogs
Or
Mary Poppins
Or
Uh, sexy umbrella wielder?

That will lit-rally never happen.