Public proclamation at the dinner gathering: "Oh no, no drugs for me, thanks! I say NO to drugs! Nothing harder than a couple glasses of wine on the weekend, no siree!"

"Apollo went to prison for racketeering which is really a white collar crime. He’s no different from Martha Stewart." Ms. Phaedra Parks, ESQ.

When the recent cheating rumors started swirling, I took a trip down memory lane to re-familiarize myself with the story of how Dean unceremoniously dumped his wife and kid (and in the process of adopting a daughter) for SoNoTORIous Spelling. Ugh, gag—he really is the worst:

So out of all those Right-to-Life Activists, how does she know Todd was the father?

Ha ha, that's kinda awesome. It's like reporting on Bieber "cutting a rug" at a local club, and the media's outcry, "WONT SOMEBODY THINK OF THE ORIENTALS?!"

"Fixed an issue that caused Sims to leave their Toddler inside a bar at closing time."

What you did there?

Ha ha, thank you for even reading it! I'm usually just buried down here in the grays...

Sidebar: how much $ are you guys going to offer up for the unretouched photos of Ms. Conrad? I mean, let's be honest—there's surely some photoshopping at play here...but given as she's not quite as newsworthy these days, nor as naturally "homely" as you guys pegged Lena as being (thereby lessening the likelihood of a…

Sidebar: how much $ are you guys going to offer up for the unretouched photos of Ms. Conrad? I mean, let's be honest—there's surely some photoshopping at play here...but given as she's not quite as newsworthy these days, nor as naturally "homely" as you guys pegged Lena as being (thereby lessening the likelihood of a…

Dear Shia,

If, out of the blue, Taylor Swift suddenly tweeted, “Stop fornicating, ladies, and obey God," I would think she had lost her goddamn mind—or was hacked.

Eh, I think it's a draw here: texting while attending a funeral is just about as tacky as "reporting" back to a stinkbomb tabloid mag snarky gossip tidbits about who said/did what appropriately/inappropriately (and who was texting!) while in attendance at a funeral.

What I wouldn't give for a "thought bubble" above this young lady's head at this precise moment..."My smile says, 'SURE! I LOVE hosing you down like a zoo animal...but my heart says, 'Really? REALLY?'"

Well, I teach high school and one of my students asked if I'd heard that "Carlton from 'Fresh Prince'" had died? I replied that surprisingly, no, I hadn't (the kids know I keep a pretty close eye on the gossip rags and they're always trying to be the ones to get the inside scoop on me)—and in this case, despite not…

Wait—she's an "actress" again? I thought she retired...and then un-retired...but then retired again, all to become a rapping fashion-designer? Thank god she has "friends" like this guy to keep us up-to-date on her current resume!