I didn't notice til your comment... This is beautiful.

Don't worry, it's much more important that you correct someone than that you take the time to actually be correct.

You win, ahem, I mean: YOU WINZ!!1!!

Counterfeit currency is the serious crime there. I could care less about the weed and coke (though you can't throw other players off the team for weed when you're signing up a new guy who literally did time for using coke). When the Secret Service comes looking for you, that's beyond youthful transgression. Plus…

there's nothing hypocritical about kicking two guys off the team for something much less serious than what the new guy has already been caught doing? Seems like if you have a character standard, and someone violates it more than once before they show up, you would hold that past against them.

Yes, people being treated differently in the deep south and by the media because of race is equally as improbable a fictional animal. Brilliant point. You may want to cut to the chase and just post: "I'm a racist, so this offends me." It's an interesting thought experiment with some valid points. Get over it.

Isn't it just a question of whether the cop was trying to ram them or not? If he was, your logic would also justify the police just shooting at the cyclists for running away (which generally police can't do if you haven't tried to kill anyone). If the police rammed them to stop them, there's more to the analysis…

Nice recovery.

are you making fun of the joke instead of getting it?

In drivers ed they teach to flash your high beams at slow moving cars in the left lane so that they move and you pass in the appropriate lane. The defense is, "he did what he was supposed to, so I tried something dangerous — I'll resign but it's his fault". I live close enough to SC to understand that that might pass…

Did the article fail to explain why he's a crossing guard? How is the title misleading? I guess the fact that's he's not suffering and broke saddens you, since the article explained exactly what the headline said it would, and you feel like it enticed and mislead you. Maybe if you took less joy in other people's…

So you spend all your time giving minus scores to other comments, but the best joke you could come up with yourself is calling him KoBEE Bryant because he's scared of bees? Take a minute to consider whether you have any idea what the fuck "funny" means...

Yeah, I miss the old Simmons too.

If you're right, and he's a loser, and you have enough time and the inclination to make multiple comments complaining about, what's that say about you?

let me help clarify, the rest of us think it's funny. also, you asked how it was funny, which is a tacit admission you don't understand how it's funny.

is a comment to tell me that you don't want to talk sort of like calling me to tell me you don't want to talk?

This site doesn't censor fucking curse words, d!ck.

I see you're still visiting deadspin. Look, you're a dick, and I'm bored at work. I'll probably keep replying, to keep telling you that you're a whiny dick. If you enjoy that, you can keep replying as well and thinking similarly of me... this will be fun.

First of all, I'm not wearing pants. Second of all, if I'm being grumpy in response to your endless whining, why is what I'm doing worse than your own grumpiness? Am I the pot or the kettle?

As demonstrated by how little you're commenting on this? Or is this the part where we all say "no, please stay" and Deadspin totally rebuilds the site to your liking just to keep your traffic?