She’s got it all wrong: Sweatpants are awesome for regular life, but terrible for working out. There’s too much fabric, so increased friction. Plus, when you sweat, they take forever to dry. Sport tights/leggings are the far superior choice for working out, from a practical POV.

It was like she was trying to fuck the national anthem.

Here. Cleanse yourself.

Man, Carol Channing looks really good for 97!

I think all the paint just fell off my living room walls

Even Mike Pence had to sit down in the middle of that singing of the anthem.

“Oh god! There’s a cat in that burning building!....... Ah! I know what to do!” *Throws another cat into burning building* “Now they won’t be alone.”

Today, you became American

I’m from Sweden so the only thing I know about american football is that I fucking can’t stand Tom Brady

Those two touchdowns are a giant step forward for the league. Both were catches to any sane person who has not had their mind warped by the NFLs bullshit philosophical dissection of “what IS a CATCH, MAAAAN?”

Same person?

The Patriots losing the Super Bowl is like heroin. I don’t need it all the time but it sure makes spending an afternoon with my family more enjoyable.

It’s like Alien Vs. Predator...but somehow the beasts are even uglier in this one.

SNL? Man, that show isn’t nearly as good as it was during [insert era in which I was younger, had a more positive outlook on life, and was long enough ago that my nostalgia filters out only the good memories].

So edgy! Take so hot!

I wish only Dratch and Fey did the accents. The others were atrocious. Kenan was literally doing an Australian accent.

I see Pete Davidson breaking back there

no matter who wins we all lose.

I also hope that I am well thought of in my home town even after I help murder someone and destroy evidence. For all my faults- like that time I helped murder someone and destroy evidence- I feel like I have contributed a lot of positive speeches and tackles.