The first thing that came to mind was the flute, but the harp would also merit consideration, I think.

Good stuff - nice Paddy Chayefsky reference, too.

Lord a mighty......he basically eats a hearty Meat & Potato dinner at 9:30 AM.

What in THE fuck is wrong with people? “Eh, this looks OK.....” (drives into 5 feet of standing water)............just amazing. Maybe take a minute to look around, use the powers of depth perception that God gave you. Or - fuck it - just barrel straight ahead. And we wonder why so many people are voting for Trump -…

Agree to disagree - other than the corny "Wicked Game" cover straight from the local Renaissance Fair, that gave me half a stock - GAME OF THRONES!!!

Um......while I buy “Air Bud” being on his “Go To” movies list, I’m calling bullshit on "The 400 Blows" - no way has he seen that. He thinks Truffaut is a fancy dessert they make at his favorite French restaurant. Cut the shit.

Wow - which is dumber, the title "Superman: Flyby", or actually considering Jude Law as Superman? I can't decide. It's a bird....it's a plane.......it's......a snarky, effeminate British man? Is....is he wearing a scarf? Should we be scared? He's so charming!

Counterpoint: they're Yankees fans, so fuck them.

Why is the other team's logo/mascot two drooping penises on top of a pinball machine? Oh wait - it's a Ram, sorry.......carry on.

BOOM.

'Notorious (1946)' comes immediately to mind.

I’ve just never understood this. Maybe it’s because I’m not an idiot, but I simply cannot envision a scenario where I send a woman a picture of my dick, especially a woman I don’t know. Does this actually work? Are there actually guys who send a dick pic, and the woman immediately responds “looks great, how soon can…

What kind of utter shit-stain doesn't tip a delivery guy/gal? I tip well when it's nice outside (I live in LA), but yes, as Barry mentions above, tip like a fucking Saudi prince on a bender if the weather's shitty. Anyone who offers phony empathy for making the delivery person drive in inclement weather and then…

Shit - I was looking for New York for, like, twenty minutes but ended up in Scranton. I'm not sure what happened......

I was going to get a Rose jersey, but then I tweaked my ankle and couldn’t make it to the store.

Hold the phone - how can someone who eats so much Chipotle have such nice legs? Shouldn't you have "cankles" and be riding around on one of those 'Rascal' scooter deals?

What with all the bad/scary shit in the news today, we needed this - thanks. She's a fucking MENACE when she leaves the pocket.

Well, to be fair, there’s also “adverse reaction to prescription medicine” - they could have tried that one too. I guess too many people know that one is code for "VERY bad reaction to DRUGS that were absolutely NOT prescribed by anyone.....", so they went with dehydration.

Maybe they could get one of those sliding drawer deals that gas stations have for after-hours sales - then they could use the drawer to sell jewelry to black people, after locking the front door of course. “OK, sir.....your credit card cleared, so (sliding door making KA-THUNK sound).....here is your receipt and your…

Check out the car trying to go from Lane 16 to Lane 17 without signaling........DICK.