Well, Guido, I've always been too cheap to buy your fancy brand-name pasta anyway. Safeway brand FTW!

"if the gays do not agree, they can always eat pasta from another manufacturer."

My mom is a fucking MASTER of the silent treatment. The rest of my family would rather scream at each other and get everything out than go silent, but she'll just straight up not speak to you for days. It used to piss me off. Now I kind of think the way you do - if she can't use her words, I guess I don't care about…

Holland Taylor called dibs.

I never realized how much Maggie Smith could play Ann Richards.

I'm hoping she runs. I'm really afraid Perry's idiot successor in the Texas GOP will fuck it up, though. The guy is even less bright than Perry and even more dirty.

I can also already imagine the "people will only vote for her because she's hot" crowd.

This message is approved by my daughter ingesting her first cake (and taste of sugar) on her first birthday.

How about keeping shit private, Kate Gosselin? Who the fuck moves into the woods after being on a reality show because everything went well?

Maybe if we stop giving every stupid thing Justin Bieber does attention, he'll eventually go away.

Obviously, Meghan, the praying mantis with the bloody fangs was an oil well, a symbol of the Republican party's "Blood For Oil" philosophy. Conversely, Tegan and Sara represent the other end of the ideological spectrum.

I had a dream that my husband was eaten by a parking ticket machine. It was sad but also hilarious.

Holy shit if I can't sleep for the next few weeks so help me god I am tracking you down...

Miley needs a seat. I'm so damn tired of her. Go away, child.

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE INTERVIEW THE BLACK WOMEN that Cyrus used in the performance and get their story. or even THEIR NAMES.

So yea, I'm black, and definitely not supportive of anything that has anything to do with Miley

I get sick of white people talking about diversity. You're white. STFU.

Gretchen Carlson reveled this week that she was not allowed to wear pants on Fox & Friends. Yes, it is 2013.

Why does she have the frozen faced look of a woman in her Fifties, isn't she like 29?

It's not necessarily an age thing. If you're a tall woman, or a woman of color, or, heaven forefend, some sort of combination thereof, you are perceived as "intimidating", and up-talking is a tactic one can use to defuse the perception.