Oh geez, #8: "I hope to be able to masturbate again without stopping because I can only see your body and your face."

This reminds me of a guy I broke up with in 1998. Dude still e-mails me occasionally, always saying that I'm the one that got away and can I please send some nude photos. His last request included a…

Exactly. If bed-making is such a positive and spiritual experience why didn't he make the bed?

Exactly. Oh, all the wisdom of...being nine years older, in a life he hates so much he's running away from. The best advice would be to do the OPPOSITE of whatever he thinks is a good idea.

You just KNOW his last piece of advice was "milk...it does a body good!" but then decided nine pieces of advice sounds too desperate.

Don't forget his advice to keep in touch with friends and family! I love advice that could have been pulled verbatim from a sappy Sprint Mobile ad.

Waiting for an MRA to show up and accuse you of misandry.

I'm not sure which is worse: that they spent nights making crafts for his kids, or that he one of his pieces of advice is to continue making her bed. WTF?

Nope! You missed the creepiest bit, he wrote about looking forward to the day he could masturbate again without seeing her body and face.

To The Husband Who Left Me For His Intern

I'd had a couple of gin and tonics so I didn't even notice :) Now several hours later it hurt like the dickens. All they did was make me an appointment for a plastic surgeon the next morning. No one gave me anything for the pain.

Also, dudes, don't bother continuing to do your dumbass trolling in my threads. I am fast with the dismiss button. Go bother other people. Also, when you defend rapists, you sound like a rapist.

Head to Linden, MI. Ask for Pam. She'll be the 60+ something blonde with a hair helmet and a penchant for Jello desserts.

I'd eat all those things. Gimme.

Seriously? "Don't walk alone at night."? "Don't make yourself a victim."?

Seems like "just don't be out in public and female" is the advice we're getting.

Goulash. Meatloaf with ketchup. Ambrosia salad. Lasagne with (wait for it) cottage cheese in it instead of of ricotta. This is really causing horrifying flashbacks to all those childhood dinners in the early 80s.

I'll just leave this Aquarium gelatin salad right here.

My mom makes that too! Only she puts chopped celery in it. THEN my dad drowns it in mayonnaise!

If that is filled with shrimp and smoked salmon and coated with cream cheese and dill, I'm sold. It looks delish!

My mother still makes something called congealed salad for holiday meals. Yes, my friends. It is as gross as it sounds, but apparently, I'm the only nut that thinks so in my family. Orange jello, cool whip, crushed pineapple, and wait for it, shredded cheese.

I live on lentils (because I read Jezebel. I KID I KID) and eat like a person who eats ridiculously healthy, but I love McDo breakfast. Every time I spread the inanity of my passion for McDo breakfast on facebook, some asshole ALWAYS pipes up to say ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.