This is the most painfully eloquent summary of The Daily Show. Brava.

Wait, am I grey? Why am I grey?!

Thanks for the tip about the bare minerals product. I’d never heard of it and def need it!

That’s it. Love is dead.

I’m so f@cking angry and sad about this, I really need to start drinking. What a giant POS this, this...well, I can’t even call him a man. I hope it bankrupts him and his wife takes his kids and leaves him.

Ok, serious question. Butter is made of cream, right? So why not just put cream in your coffee like a normal person instead of this elaborate (and yucky) procedure?

He even shrugs adorably

Why worry about exes? I’d only be worried if they DIDN’T have exes.

To Tony:

Man, I miss Buffy. Binge watch on Netflix tonight!

What? Why? Why are people doing this? Making a ‘keepsake’ out of any sort of bodily fluid is something I find deeply disturbing. Just, no.

I’m getting a strong “Johnny Depp as the Mad Hatter in Alice in Wonderland” vibe here.

I refuse to read this book. Everything surrounding the story of its “discovery” stink. If Harper Lee had wanted it published, she had decades to do so.

Holy cow, I have a newfound adoration for Ewan McGregor.

Agreed. I was obsessed with her stuff. The shirt/bodysuit thingy was salvation. She made sensible-yet-sexy clothes for women who were not stick figures.

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That sounds delicious.

Oh man, I’m going to have soooo much fun this weekend, watching the conservative’s heads explode over this and the Obama-care ruling!

Thank you! I think I just ovulated.

someone please explain why Adam Sandler has a career. I am completely befuddled. Do his movies really make that much money?