Rihanna, sweetie, I don't know why you're so offended this girl went to prom in your ugly outfit. If she really wanted to insult you she would have shown up in a punching bag.

That is because summer is the worst of all possible seasons. You "do" summer by staying indoors and never, ever, EVER going outside for any reason.

1. I actually like tapioca pudding, but considering rice pudding is of similar texture and a thousand times better, why would anyone eat tapioca?

I would only get one of these if the baker would agree to use a picture of my butt. I would really love to present a cake and instruct everyone to "eat my ass".

America.

Can you guys cool it with the rollover ads that start blaring without warning? Some of us read Jezebel covertly at work. I don't need ads for fucking Nair ruining my one small pleasure.

I think Solange is a replicant, some one give her the Voight-Kampff test.

she was upset because jay-z told her she looks like Orlando jones

Shouldn't it say "wedding" instead of marriage? The wedding is the event, the marriage is the 73 days afterwards.

There's no "and" in the phrase "Two Thousand Fourteen". Your invitations are ruined. Cancel the wedding.

It's outright disgusting that universities, not law enforcement, are the ones that handle these cases in the first place.

When you've got mediocre talent, you need a lot of pyrotechnics.

Y'all are taking care of KK quite nicely, so I would like to add this comment because this drives me nuts: can we please stop referring to families with divorced parents as "broken homes"? My home is sufficiently, lovingly, respectfully intact, thank you very much. Indeed, it's arguably more intact than unbroken (?)…

Jon Hamm can dress my porno set any day, amirite?

I find it to be a problem because it looks like impropriety. Would the police team up with a mosque to push Muslim agendas about...anything? How about teaming up with an atheist/agnostic group to promote free thought and sex positivity?

When people talk to these folks that push the purity agenda about their targeting of primarily young women/girls, what do they say when asked about why isn't purity pushed as hard at young men/boys?

I feel extremely old right now, because the (terrible!!) Richard Gere gerbil story and the one about Rod Stewart having a gallon of semen pumped from his stomach are nowhere on the list. Those were massive back in the day!

We can't just call it "visiting South Dakota?"

Road House is a national treasure! You leave Patrick Swayze's mullet alone!