Live action Lion King...Literally pointless. Disney wants to take their masterpieces—which were created and drawn by some of the most legendary animators and writers of all time—and ‘update’ them using paint by numbers creative control...

Uh pinch the nearest person to you and gauge their ability to rationalize!

Yeah I went from “That’s it even Warriors fans have gotta admit...” To: “holy crap James Harden IS a pedo”

But honestly it’s no biggie, I was just playing around and didn’t notice the date. I just mock shakers of shamers whenever possible. Although what really got this all started was that I felt bad for the tiger.

Garfield isn’t funny. Also, it’s not shaming his body. It’s shaming his slothy attitude that has lead him to be fat and unsocial, among other things. A very important distinction. Whereas the fat (or pregnant?) Tiger picture is highly reminiscent of stereotypical pictures of fat folks at the beach or looking sad…

The crusade to end body shame isn’t bound by temporal laws

Hey, enough with the body shaming, Amigo.

On my new car the doors unlock as soon as I turn the car fully off. Kinda weird when you think about it because it seems more for show than anything else as a door that’s locked on the outside but opens from the inside was a standard feature on my 2000 Jeep. I really really hope it’s only the driver door that does…

He was just following orders.

Mine is based solely around their haircuts. Otherwise, is all cool. When I saw her bangs I realized it was true love. Or whatever you would call the emotional connection between two lizard people.

The new taste is no taste; Just talk to a young person.

What, you didn’t notice Ralph Gilles discuss the redesign in its entirety during his Abstract episode on Netflix? You must have blinked at the wrong moment, then.

Ichiro is The John Wick of baseball

John Wall. Hmm. I wonder what he’d be like on the Spurs. That’s a pretty good litmus test, I think. He’d score less, maybe have less assists, shoot more threes off the ball, focus more on defense. I don’t know if he’d ever be as good as Tony Parker in that kind of system.

Is completely rehiring an entire company on racial lines an intelligent idea? No, but it might just be crazy enough to work!

It’s basic Phrenology. You know, brain size, Cranial Capacity! What’s that, you say that crap was debunked over a hundred years ago?!

And THAT made me picture David as a beatnick harboring a cold war fugitive steampunk alien weapons platform behind a rust angel.

Lol my Mom says it a few times a day for whatever reason so it just came to me

I believe that if you ever decided to parlay your optimism into a motivational speaking career you could easily pay for 100 shitty Jeeps and a garage to strew them around in.

Yeah, for an ESL guy he’s doing great!