They can’t light it on fire until they’re done wiping their asses on it.

Somewhere in a closet I have that (on vinyl as the hip millennials say). We’re big hockey fans and the kids give me side-eye when I sing a few bars every time we watch the Finns play.

and that’s Uncle Sam standing behind us saying that we can go in, but only for a little while. And all we can bring out is a few Coffee Crisps.

How could you write this and leave out Thoyt?

trying to fucking his half sister, repeatedly in person and in spirit form

“Women do not have a developed sense of morality or aesthetic taste, but need to be made to feel important, or else they will become colicky.”

His last name is daSalami?

You obviously didn’t spend your early teens crushing on Marsha. The real Marsha is sooooo much more beautiful. Sigh.

I take you’re a teacher.

Not so much sarcastically. The ‘new’ use of genius is to describe someone who’s using facts (not the alternative kind) to determine something that you know in your gut is wrong. As in - the “geniuses” aren’t trying to keep kids safer, they’re trying to “damage the game”.

Ha. Subtle.

I imagine he’s embraced it plenty. It’s on his penis. He just doesn’t like the way it looks.

If not a safe space for Vipey, can we at least get him a trigger warning?

The entire policy is 7 pages, most of which lists when the league needs to be informed (i.e by 4 pm Eastern). At the top of the second page, (emphasis mine) “All players who have significant or noteworthy injuries must be listed on the Practice Report, even if the player takes all the reps in practice, and even if the…

Can anyone out there tell me how much they’s be ahead if they had laid the $300 down in November on a bet that the Packers would get to the NFC championship game, instead of going game by game?

Not a huge surprise. Vay’s an amateur MMA fighter. It ‘relieves the stress’ of playing goalie. Something other ECHL goalies should keep in mind.

Um, I think you’re digging in the wrong place. Chatting with the bros in the Wrigleyville bars is not Chicago.

Don’t you mean fucks up bigly?

ooh, ooh. Are you going to tell us which is Uday and which is Qusay or do we get to pick for ourselves?

They won’t find it, but the stick up his ass has been functioning as a substitute for quite a while now.