Because he forgot the last 5 words of that quote:

“Our quarterback suffered a traumatic brain injury after hosting an awards show in New York City last winter.”

So then why do you keep getting fired?

I remember when the Dolphins hired Adam Gase away from the Bears and us Bears fans were very upset about it because of how great he was with Cutler that year. And then they signed Dowell (not a name) Loggains and he perpetually shit the bed every week while coaching Brandon Marshall, Alshon Jeffrey, and Matt Forte.…

Alex isn’t entirely wrong; The end of the 2012 seasons did see the Niners lose the Super Bowl and the Giants win it all.

Fuck. Just realized MakeMexicoPayForJohnWall already mentioned McVay in his. Here’s an addendum then:

I was tempted to give it the benefit of the doubt because I once got a blowjob in the parking lot of the Rooster T Feathers comedy club, but then I realized Rooster T Feathers is in Sunnyvale, not Santa Clara.

Presidential candidate NFL coaching equivalents:

You know how the Dolphins drafted Ryan Tannehill and then spent seven years chronically deluded that THIS would be his breakout year?

To find folks worthy of wearing the all-whites, Zidane has opened negotiations with Stephen Miller.

Well, this should at least satisfy the purists who for years complained about baseball analysts judging players like Addison Russell, Odubel Hererra, and Roberto Osuna without having the benefit of personal experience.

I feel like this movie is a prank that has just got very out of control. 

“The problem with the new Lion King is that the animals just aren’t expressive enough”

“But like in every other aspect of life, in global soccer the sexism persists. It’s why Real Madrid didn’t agree to take on a women’s club until this year, and the billionaires at Manchester United didn’t start a women’s team until last year.”

Yeah, that can’t be right. Fortunately, I can’t speak from experience, but a friend of mine caught his dad boning his secretary. his reaction upon telling me about the incident was: “i get it, my mom SUCKS”

I am quite positive this exact list exists on a fetish website somewhere as best people to overhear having sex.

My favorite conspiracy theory is that the government itself spread the alien rumors because anyone who started questioning the weird planes that were actually being tested at Area 51 would be immediately dismissed as whackjobs.

I mean...something will happen right? We’re talking about a country where a guy with a rifle entered a pizza and ping pong parlor to free child sex slaves based on some 4chan shit.

CTRL-F “frisbee dogs”

Hue Jackson has a truly unique ability to take big risks when it's a bad idea, and to play it safe when it's worth taking a gamble.