Your dinner date is just fine by me, but I would strongly suggest you dunk her under water first to make sure she’s not a witch.

The really great thing is, you don’t have to be alone with a woman to take away her access to health care.

Where will you be when diarrhea strikes?

WHAT?

The dumbest shit I modded my car with was my ex-husband.

Huh, imagine that. Guess who else it isn’t working out well for...

sober policy knower Paul Ryan

In fairness, Sears started on that trajectory decades ago.

Definitely not funfetti cake, pound cake, or devils food.

One of the easiest ways to determine that there’s no reason to give a post anywhere heed is the phrase “Of course INSERT MEDIA won’t admit it”

The worst part is some one stuck a banana in the wheels.

Engine: a Honda engine.

“Just fuck me up, fam.”

I think it’s because there’s so few bad cars and so many good cars.

D.B. Pooper

In fairness, Russell Brand is a lot less skeezy than he used to be. Sobered up, he’s actually a startlingly articulate person and pretty apologetic about the shit that he used to pull.

Or else Angela’s actually King of the Bwittons…

Why the hell should we respect the president, much less this country, that doesn’t have an ounce of respect for us? Respect has to be earned, and very few people in this nation’s history have actually done the work to rightfully gain ours. We don’t owe Trump shit, and we don’t owe America shit. Hell, they both owe us.…