My girlfriend used the same trick to sneak into my house permanently.

A-Rod: "You guys know how to play 'La Bamba'?"

Nothing is sexier than when my girlfriend suggests we should watch another episode of The Wire.

That was a joke, dude.

My husband likes to tell this story about a super-racist boss he once had (in Utah), whose crowning glory was the line "Now some of [the blacks] are as smart as you or me, and they make great athletes and gladiators."

Indeed I too have heard speak of these extra tendons. I will take your advice and henceforth attempt to utilise the 'negro strength' contained within my leg muscles.

Um, I think the extra tendons are in your legs (or so I've been told), so maybe try opening the jars with your knees?

"Conversely, white quarterbacks were described as less physically gifted, but more mentally prepared for the game and less likely to make mental errors."

She wasn't saying anything racist, she was just referencing the fact that black gymnasts are all physically more powerful and less elegant than white ones.

Seriously. All I've learned from this fake debacle (ok ok, and "White Chicks") is that while white people in blackface look hella racist due to invoking painful historical tropes, black people in whiteface just look like creepy bleached alien skulls. These things are not at all commensurate.