Dakota Fanning is probably more mature and responsible than my 33-year-old ass, so...there's that.

I'm focused on something about 5 inches lower than that.... #sorryimnotsorry

to Scarlett's new fiance

I'm too embarrassed to annotate this but ScarJo's chesticles look GORGEOUS in that dress.

Technically, I think Dakota Fanning is about 42 in maturity years. She was more mature at 7 than I am now. I think she can handle an older man.

Scarlett privilege.

Not going to lie, that's where my eyes went.

Breasts.

I purchased a long link of meat scraps that were stuffed into an animal's intestine then boiled in dirty water and served in a small loaf of bread. I was quite hungry and in a rush to get back to my duties. This small meal will do if I am again pressed for time or possess only a few coins. I shall try not to think…

"I was presented with an animal skin full of a substance lighter than air, causing the skin to float on a string. But then I got distracted and let the string go and my skin floated away. It made me sad."

"They also have pink clouds that are sweet and edible, and a bread substance made with a cone and topped with some form of sweet powder"

"They can produce fire from their mouths, bind and then free themselves, and juggle twelve balls with extraordinary skill."

She's pretty badass!

She is so pretty.

But how will I see Jessica if the show is cancelled?

We've sent men to the moon, have devices that let us see the inner-workings of the human body and can beam messages across the world from tiny devices that fit in our pockets. We also drink coffee pooped out of a lemurs ass.

Here Smith channels the ghost of Chandler Bing.

Only to be expected of the country that produced Katerina Petrova.

OR:


"You'll eat nothing, Jon Snow*"

*except brown rice, broccoli, and skinless chicken. Also, those crunches won't do themselves. Get to work, boy.