"I broke that man. I farted on him, he broke."

Now, now... Pinocchio's dad was a carpenter. Maybe Beiber wants to be a real boy someday...

He was.

Bieber will rise again

OK but was Biebs' dad actually a carpenter because if so, I'm kind of worried that this is the second coming, and God is trying to teach us a lesson.

I made my own wedding dress... but I didn't know it was a wedding dress, so I didn't put as much effort into it as I could have. My boyfriend was taking me on vacation in Hawaii, and he talked me into making a "pretty dress for when we went to the luau." Turns out, he'd been planning to ask me to marry him the whole…

Not me, but my cousin: She wanted to take romantic outdoor pictures underneath a tree. You can probably guess where this is going... we hear a "pitpitpitpit" and wonder "is it about to rain?" for all of two seconds before realizing that definitely was NOT rain. A whole flock of birds emptied their bowels on her…

Thankfully this was *before* I got ready, but it was humiliating. I was a ball of nerves on my wedding day (aren't we all?) and had only coffee in my system during my hair appointment. One of my bridesmaids drove with me to my parents' house where I was getting ready, and I let one slip. Only it wasn't just a cute…

My strap snap was also caused a hug mishap! WARNING TO FUTURE BRIDES: Hug no one.

Yup, sure did. I had a dress that I only had tried on once in the store before the big day. Two weeks before, went bra/spanx shopping with mom. We glance at slips. "Do you need a slip?" "I'unno." (I don't do dresses normally. I'm a web developer and pretty much rock the T-shirt/jeans developer look.)

So yes, I put this…

I was a bridesmaid that "forgot" a bra. Sitting at the head table at my sister's wedding, somehow a round of the "wave" broke out and my ladies were set free. Most embarrassing moment of my life so far. No one mentioned it so hopefully a very few amount of people saw it.

My wedding dress had very thin little straps on the shoulders. While greeting guests in the receiving line, I went to give an old friend a hug and felt something snap. I looked down and my strap had broken off and I was about a second away from a nip slip. Thankfully I noticed it immediately and was able to hold my…

Not even terrible but (entire story NSFW)......Two days before my wedding, I got my period. My period is usually fairly well behaved- first day heavy, tapers off fairly quickly, lasts about 4 days total, move on with life. Not this time. We arrived in Vegas (Vegas wedding for the win) and had sex which made our hotel…

For my wedding I had decided to have the center aisle lined with ivory silk rose petals and brass lanterns containing electric (thank God) candles. I tasked my dad with placing the lanterns, telling him to leave room for us to walk. Apparently he didn't take my dress in to account. As I started down the aisle, I…

My zipper broke during pictures, half an hour before the ceremony. So the moms had to sew me into it. My husband had to cut the zipper off later. (Not in like a sexy way, like in a "we have to get up at 4 am and still have shit to do" way.)

I had a cathedral-length drop veil (so it was held on by pins) and it slipped and slid everywhere on my head, messing up my hair in the process. My sister repeatedly had to fix it. It was gorgeous but I was so glad to take the damn thing off come reception time!!I know it's not X rated but god damn sometimes what…

We very narrowly averted one. We didn't realize until the morning of that Mrs. Boourner's dress was transparent, and also we didn't realize until the morning of that she was colorblind, so she'd signed off on two different shades of blue for her bridesmaids' dresses, and in the meantime my aunt was trying to find a…