The guy who donated the Hope Diamond to the Smithsonian sent it through the US Mail!

Also, “Why do they get to call us ‘honky’ and ‘cracker’????? Isn’t that just as bad? It’s not fair! Wahhhh!”

It’s too bad, because Shayanna might well have made some NFL stud a very nice trophy wife. Now the money will go to the lawyers.

Let me guess who paid to bond her out!

Reise, Reise. :(

Holy crap! That's usually a serial killer origin story right there.

Cauliflower is one of nature's joke vegetables that we were never meant to eat.

Is that him standing second from the left? He looks like he's half a second away from punching that attorney in the face.

The "adult" thing to do would have been to not fuck up in the first place. Adults put their best effort forth in their jobs and don't ignore complaints. They shouldn't need to be told that their customer service sucks. They should see the mounting number of complaints that are all too obvious on their own message…

The "best" thing about that injury is that the only reason he lived is because the team's athletic trainer had been a medic in Vietnam and physically reached into Malarchuk's neck and pinched his carotid artery closed so he wouldn't bleed to death. That is seriously awesome.

There's got to be a way to incorporate the book itself into these cleaning problems. There's all that paper, right? Can't you blot up the white wine with that and then chuck the whole mess in the garbage?

My grandma had to put cushioning around the island cupboards she had in her kitchen because my alcoholic uncle kept whacking his head on them. Think the NBA is the same way?

Did it not strip the house paint off? I've never heard of airplane paint stripper and I'm suddenly fascinated by all the possibilities!

I watched my sister give birth three times and I can honestly tell you that she was either in too much pain or (after the drugs kicked in) too chill to care about anything around her. And then once the time came to actually push, that's all she cared about. I guess if you were a horrible human being who got pregnant…

I watched my sister give birth three times and I can honestly tell you that she was either in too much pain or (after the drugs kicked in) too chill to care about anything around her. And then once the time came to actually push, that's all she cared about. I guess if you were a horrible human being who got pregnant…

Just because some people do incredible things does not excuse the behavior of others.

But aren't you defeating your own "evolution makes us decide what is pretty" theory by saying you won't chase after young girls? If all human men are driven by the desire to mate with young pretty girls, then you're never going to "settle down".

Does he like to steal the skin of other men, wear their style of underwear and cologne, and then go to their houses and have sex with their wives/girlfriends?

Don't be sorry you magnificent bastard. That's some quality chunk-spewing right there.

I like how Scott is clearly saying "I don't know" with a shrug of his arms at the 0:22 mark. Like Jackman knocked himself out. What an asshole.