There you go ... that's what I've been saying about getting older: There comes a point where, as long as your family's OK, you've simply run low on fucks to give, and you choose when to give them because they're valuable and they mean something and you don't want to waste them on things that aren't fuck-worthy. I…

I want Joe Biden to be my dad and give me inspiring talks straight out of a '90s family sitcom.

This is why Joe Biden is my fantasy internet boyfriend. He gets so much shit for gaffes when 99% of the time, he's the smartest and most compelling guy in the room. Of course he would say this. Of course. I love him so much.

Someone's going to do it...

Kendra and Ricky were reportedly only given a two game suspension by the NFL.

I don't like people anymore. Is there some way I can avoid all people forever?

Well fuck. I think we can all agree with this one today:

Well, shit. If my penis is on loan from some religious construct how much equity do I have invested in it? Can I refinance?

I said this once, and I will say it again:

I love watching these assholes implode.

She isn't saying that you should give up your team or loving your team. She's saying that you should recognize that supporting your team (and through them the NFL) while being disgusted at the way the NFL handled the situation makes you a hypocrite. She doesn't say "bad person". She says "hypocrite".

Janay Rice says she deeply regrets the role that she played the night of the incident.

let's not forget "you're not hot enough to reject me, you're from maine!" the fuck does that mean?

Agreed. And, I wish city governments would build like a three-stories tall housings with bunk beds and/or rooms for homeless families, and create programs to help them get jobs and other needs. The problem is so big right now that something like this needs to be done.

I CAN TOTALLY CATCH THAT. I CAN. I CAN GET IT. ME ME ME ME ME ME. OVER HEEEEERE. WIDE OPEN.

I agree, with the added hope that it would include some kind of legal advising aid, because I'm pretty sure that a university student who has been financially disowned by her family (like the girl in the story) qualifies for some hefty financial aid. Having someone with legal knowledge volunteer to help these kids…

Fixed it.